if i ever feel better

these past couple of weeks i've pulled a 180, been up, down, thrown around ,and just completely lost. it's ok, found myself again. no worries. ok don't freak out on me here but i stepped down from aux. just for the time being. i was gonna lose my job (and my bros for that matter) had i not. word of advice, never ever ever stop. i've never cried so hard driving home. it was so hard to do but it's only till jan. i'll be back 2 it in no time. u haven't a clue how hard it was to get me back to that point. that additude that ur not gonna stop me. i don't give up. i almost lost that for a bit. awwww, thanx abby! sorry, i felt the need to do that. i'm talking to my fellow abby about what's been going on. she's quite wonderful really.

this brings me to something. how is it the best part of u, u'll over look? i've been very privledged to meet some people who just blow me away. they r so amazing, and it's as clear as day...well, not like today, but a sunny day without a cloud in the sky kinda clear day (wonder if i'll ever see one of those again, stupid winter) and they have no idea how truly spectacular they really r. i'll never get that.

i've been really down with having to stop aux and other stuff and so i guess i got a bit selfish. thankfully i've got friends who have enough guts to call me on it. if i'm being a jerk let me know. sometimes we can all be a bit oblivious to our own imperfections, or actions. make me aware and if i don't chew ur head off :P i'll fix it. no worries, i'll fix it.

i disappeared for a nite. well i left and no one really knew where cept the ppl i went to go visit. between that and the c.o.'s visit i found myself out of that awful awful rut. self pity. so u cant do what u were doing at the before. stop feeling bad and do what u can. it's not how many times u fall down. it's the fact that u keep getting up. can't stop us now. sometimes ppl do u a world of good without knowing it. stay positive. somehow it hit me sunday that everything is going to be okay. and it will. i believe that, i will look u dead in the eyes and tell u that. somehow, everything is going to be okay.

i'm beginning to question my own sanity. service saturday morning we r heading out to a call in the country and i see this huge teepee tipi?? i haven't a clue how to spell that. te pe? u know, those cool things indians lived in. ok i'm gonna go with t p. neways it was past this call next to some farm or something like that. the whole way to the call i'm like " hey check it out! a giant t p! cool! look!!" no one sees it. so after the call i make the car group go and find this awesome t p. we r driving everywhere the whole time the group doubting me more and more and the whole time me insisting i saw this giant t p and we're probably really close.and we don't find it. and i'm sooooo certain i saw it too!! yeah. am i seeing things? the rest of the morning the group had a blast teasing me bout it. can u blame them?? man i'm so sure i saw it tho! i'm gonna go back out there and look. if i don't find it i may check myself into a mental institute.....or get more sleep.

sunday morning i'm driving back early from disappearing the nite before and i stopped at hardees for some cinnamon raisin biscuits...mmmmmm.....for breakfast. with them i got a milk. now the milk came in a carton and milk from those things tend to taste kinda weird. so when i drank it and thought it tasted kinda funny i wasn't too concerned. that is until the last swallow when all it was was chunks. EWW!! i spit it out screaming! (mind u i was still driving back). i feared for the worse. my thought " man, i am going to be soooooooo sick". somehow i was ok. i don't know y i just shared that with u, but i did. so enjoy. remind me to pick up the phoenix cds i'm missing. man i have a problem. i can't stop buying music. i'm broke. not a good combo. oh well, it makes me very happy.

never forget where i'm at

i'm sitting here munching away on some left over skittles and decided i really should actually post something. well, what i REALLY should be doing is burning cds for ppl. meh. i'm far too lazy right now.
cricket an i went on a lil bit of a road trip this weekend. and we still aren't sick of eachother....weird. we went up to michigan. well wisconsin. no. ok i'm not entirely sure where we technically were. it's like the very border of wi and mi. a good friend lives up yonder and was like "hey come up. i'm having ppl over". i've been getting very restless staying in this general vicinity for so long so that was a totally welcomed invite. left sat. morning and didn't get lost at all! by about 3 we were in the middle of nowhere with some gr8 friends! new ones too! it was such a chill weekend. we played games, caught up, played music, and just enjoyed eachothers company. that's really what there is to do up there, u have to enjoy eachother. there's so much to do down here that that often gets over looked. it's the ppl, not the thing u choose to do.
sunday came and we headed out to the meeting....got there a lil late, go figure. the watchtower rocked. we are definatly being prepared. grabbed lunch with some friends afterwards. unfortunatly mike's house tried to kill me so when we got back i had to pack up pretty kwik and we headed out. asthma attack the nite b4 and i didn't wanna have a repeat. which is so weird cuz i haven't had anything that bad in ages! not to mention if ur not from the area u really don't wanna drive in the dark, WAY too many animals that will jump out in front of u. i've actually had a black bear run out in front of me before. cricket drove so i could get some sleep, that was sweet of her.....cept for the part when she woke me up asking which way we should turn and we were nowhere near where we needed to be.....missed a turn. haha oh well.
made it back home and ended up having some ppl over. that was cool, cept for the part where i was dead tired. haha hope some ppl brushed up on their smash bros skills!
i'm completely torn right now. what do i do? where do i go? do i stay? i dunno. i know a lot of ppl are going thru the same thing right now. i feel it's a lil different for me tho becuz seriously i think i could be happy just a bout anywhere. so then i'm like hey, y not go?? then i'm still like where?? ugh. i dunno. my reasonable side (which i tend to ignore most of the time) says u have a decent job, u have amazing friends, u could do a lot of good here, stay. and then there's that something else in me saying screw that! get out there and do something gr8!! any suggestions? in the meantime i'll wait and see what happens. ok i need more food than just leftover skittles. take care all.

matching socks r highly over rated

here's some pix until i feel like actually typing out thoughts and happenings and what not.