a mind of her own

one of my imperfections is being so quick to notice yours. terribly sorry. oddly enough this proved to be beneficial a couple weeks ago. well, i wasn't quick to notice. but the point is i eventually did. you ever have a moment where it just hits u? everything u've been fighting off, ignoring, even running away from, u just let in. all it took was a chat with a friend who had sadly found herself in a position i myself was usually in. looking in from the outside, man what an eye opener. hearing the all too familiar dispare in her voice and knowing she got sucked in again. into the awful crap, drama, and ridiculous events that somehow becomes one's life. and it hit me. some people won't change. some people don't change. i hate it. i've never been good at letting go. i'm not sure i ever genuinely have. there's a first time for everything i guess. just sux it had to be u.

i've been told i keep things in too much. if u seriously wanna know what's going on, ask. and be incredibly patient, opening up isn't easy. i'm really not one to wear my heart on my sleeve. here's some things u can know. the assembly this past weekend was so amazing. such a blessing. talk about hearing exactly what u need to hear. i've been so frusterated, with myself really. it seems to be basically wanting to do more, feeling i NEED to, but having gotten stuck in a situation where it seems impossible, unreasonable maybe to do so....ha, well that was B4 the assembly. it's so amazing, and quite brilliant really all the ways we get distracted and lose sight of what our priorities should in fact be. check urself. get back on track and stay there. i'm very impatient. i think this is common knowledge to the majority. i think my impatience mite prove to be beneficial just this once. i know whats coming is going to seem risky, maybe even stupid to some. check urself, i know i will be okay. i fully believe this. and y wouldn't i? it's promised numerous times. so before u go judging and worrying, check urself. it's gonna be okay. ; )

everything to everyone. man i gotta keep better balance. i love my friends so much. that's something u can know too. "it's nice for u to actually be there when ur not needed too". wow. i suck. this was told to me after it started to hit me that i've been missing too much. it's impossible to be everything to everyone. frankly it's not our place. but naturally u wanna do whatever it is u can for ur friends. i try to do that. if u need something i'm there. i'll try my darndest at least. that's not what it's all about. enjoy ur friends! ur not just there to help people cope. love ur friends. goof off, have fun, just hang out and talk about nonsense, and be sure to take it in and appreciate it. i've been missing that and i am so sorry. u drift if all u r is the "go to" friend. not to mention u will exhaust urself. don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to friends to get u thru stuff, its very important, but is that all u got? be there when ur not needed.

i have to say good bye tomorrow. dang it. i'm really not wanting too. kinda need to tho. as hard as it is to say goodbye,there's nothing worse than not saying goodbye. speaking of goodbyes, i really ought to try and get some sleep. i could ramble on, maybe i should, but sleep is definatly calling. take care all, keep focused and whats really important, enjoy ur friends, don't avoid doing things that may be difficult, don't keep everything inside, and stop reading this and get some sleep!