if i ever feel better

these past couple of weeks i've pulled a 180, been up, down, thrown around ,and just completely lost. it's ok, found myself again. no worries. ok don't freak out on me here but i stepped down from aux. just for the time being. i was gonna lose my job (and my bros for that matter) had i not. word of advice, never ever ever stop. i've never cried so hard driving home. it was so hard to do but it's only till jan. i'll be back 2 it in no time. u haven't a clue how hard it was to get me back to that point. that additude that ur not gonna stop me. i don't give up. i almost lost that for a bit. awwww, thanx abby! sorry, i felt the need to do that. i'm talking to my fellow abby about what's been going on. she's quite wonderful really.

this brings me to something. how is it the best part of u, u'll over look? i've been very privledged to meet some people who just blow me away. they r so amazing, and it's as clear as day...well, not like today, but a sunny day without a cloud in the sky kinda clear day (wonder if i'll ever see one of those again, stupid winter) and they have no idea how truly spectacular they really r. i'll never get that.

i've been really down with having to stop aux and other stuff and so i guess i got a bit selfish. thankfully i've got friends who have enough guts to call me on it. if i'm being a jerk let me know. sometimes we can all be a bit oblivious to our own imperfections, or actions. make me aware and if i don't chew ur head off :P i'll fix it. no worries, i'll fix it.

i disappeared for a nite. well i left and no one really knew where cept the ppl i went to go visit. between that and the c.o.'s visit i found myself out of that awful awful rut. self pity. so u cant do what u were doing at the before. stop feeling bad and do what u can. it's not how many times u fall down. it's the fact that u keep getting up. can't stop us now. sometimes ppl do u a world of good without knowing it. stay positive. somehow it hit me sunday that everything is going to be okay. and it will. i believe that, i will look u dead in the eyes and tell u that. somehow, everything is going to be okay.

i'm beginning to question my own sanity. service saturday morning we r heading out to a call in the country and i see this huge teepee tipi?? i haven't a clue how to spell that. te pe? u know, those cool things indians lived in. ok i'm gonna go with t p. neways it was past this call next to some farm or something like that. the whole way to the call i'm like " hey check it out! a giant t p! cool! look!!" no one sees it. so after the call i make the car group go and find this awesome t p. we r driving everywhere the whole time the group doubting me more and more and the whole time me insisting i saw this giant t p and we're probably really close.and we don't find it. and i'm sooooo certain i saw it too!! yeah. am i seeing things? the rest of the morning the group had a blast teasing me bout it. can u blame them?? man i'm so sure i saw it tho! i'm gonna go back out there and look. if i don't find it i may check myself into a mental institute.....or get more sleep.

sunday morning i'm driving back early from disappearing the nite before and i stopped at hardees for some cinnamon raisin biscuits...mmmmmm.....for breakfast. with them i got a milk. now the milk came in a carton and milk from those things tend to taste kinda weird. so when i drank it and thought it tasted kinda funny i wasn't too concerned. that is until the last swallow when all it was was chunks. EWW!! i spit it out screaming! (mind u i was still driving back). i feared for the worse. my thought " man, i am going to be soooooooo sick". somehow i was ok. i don't know y i just shared that with u, but i did. so enjoy. remind me to pick up the phoenix cds i'm missing. man i have a problem. i can't stop buying music. i'm broke. not a good combo. oh well, it makes me very happy.