this is where i'm at

everywhere but where i should be

2008-06-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

i don't really blog any more. u notice that too?? i'm at my entz house rite now and i should be sleeping, but who am i kidding? i don't sleep. all it takes is a couple of ppl or phone calls and my slumber has been stolen from me. really wish they'd give it back.
anyways. i got off track. in more ways than one. it's ridiculous really. it happens and u have no idea it is! its so easy to become selfish or lazy or just preoccupied and lose sight of what matters. crazy really, sum girl i'll probably never see again brought me back to my senses thru one seemingly normal introductional conversation. i'm quite sure she has no idea, but i'll remain thankful none the less. i think i'll make it into a song. u may have just saved me, thanx stranger.
i'm curious. how do u say goodbye? should u say goodbye? i mean truly there is no definite end here. times running out and i still don't even know how to do what it is i'm supposed to. i can't seem to find the words so i make it into music. i hope it doesn't become something that haunts me.
jamin has a part on the district conv. tomorrow. how cool is that?? and even cooler, our cousin is going to go!! she fell outta the truth years ago, so this is super exciting. the events that brought this all about r hardly coincidental, even cooler.
alrite u crazy kids. i'm out. take care of urselves, and others.

"and i miss u, even here taking it all in"

2007-07-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

<--on some steps in vienna

wow. it's been forever. i don't even rememb

er the last time i posted. well i guess oodles and oodles of stuff has been going on. went to the conv again this past weekend, had my rockin chicago kids there. love them! the conv. itself was as usual exactly what i needed to hear.

umm...went to europe. this is how i describe the trip to everyone who asks. "europe was a week on a boat with 30 sum relatives." *shudders* never travel without ur budz! i mean it was so incredibly beautiful, but by the 2nd day ppl were ready to kill eachother, and jamin and i were ridiculously friend-sick. honestly the title "and i miss u even here taking it all in" -minus the bear, was all that kept running thru my head. i don't get homesick, and i figured out y. whenever i'm not at home i'm with friends. so i never ever am missing everyone all at once. well that was until europe. man i missed u guys!

been thinkin to myself alot. fireworx seen from rooftops downtown rock. totally worth the effort. some ppl r worth taking the risk. sometimes u just need to risk it find out then spend forever wondering.

i was bored on lunch one day. go figure. so naturally i sent out a mass txt. ppl develop a self image. how they think they look in the eyes of others. but what i think doesn't really tell me what u actually think. so i asked. i asked ppl to describe themselves in 3 words, to see if i see them how they see themselves. and then 3 words that describe me. in no order here's me in a nutshell. i wrote exactly what was sent to me, these r ur words, not mine.oh a lot were duplicates, hence the numbers, so u know how many times it was used. eye-opener. thanx guys.

hilarious 2

spontanious

fun loving 2

crazy 4

clumsy

fun 10

chill

spiritual 6

spunky 3

weird

corny

witty 2

vivacious

precious

easy to get along with

non-judgemental

sassy

outgoing 3

energetic

happy 3

determined

strong 2

loyal

bummy

funny

real

flippin freakin sweet

kind 2

social

comfortable

sweet

open

bold 2

confident 2

easy going 3

cool 5

into music 2

intellectual

yare

satariun

seapin

jamin's sister

laid back

friendly

trusting

slow to anger

open minded

intelligent 3

unpredictable

quirky

nice 3

radtastic

whimsical

caring 2

positive

tomboy

active

faithful

loving 2

fragile

friend

musicologist

insightful

uplifting

honest

unique

supportive

adventurous

energetic 2

interesting

awesome

easy to love

well i've typed far too much. i'm gonna call it quits and nap. l8er.

eight days a week

2007-04-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

alive for the moment

2007-02-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

it's so weird how a random txt in the middle of the nite has the potential to seriously change so much. it's funny how no one's gonna know what i'm talking about. i discovered an amazing new band. well, more like one guy. i WILL find this cd tomorrow. i don't care where i have to go. by the time i have to be everywhere sunday this cd will be singing me thru the whole journey. things r good. well, for me at least. we'll see if we can't spread that around a bit. things change fast.

here too

2007-01-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

and there

this is where i've been lately

2007-01-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

yup. there, an there, an there, and so forth and so on.

a mind of her own

2006-12-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

one of my imperfections is being so quick to notice yours. terribly sorry. oddly enough this proved to be beneficial a couple weeks ago. well, i wasn't quick to notice. but the point is i eventually did. you ever have a moment where it just hits u? everything u've been fighting off, ignoring, even running away from, u just let in. all it took was a chat with a friend who had sadly found herself in a position i myself was usually in. looking in from the outside, man what an eye opener. hearing the all too familiar dispare in her voice and knowing she got sucked in again. into the awful crap, drama, and ridiculous events that somehow becomes one's life. and it hit me. some people won't change. some people don't change. i hate it. i've never been good at letting go. i'm not sure i ever genuinely have. there's a first time for everything i guess. just sux it had to be u.

i've been told i keep things in too much. if u seriously wanna know what's going on, ask. and be incredibly patient, opening up isn't easy. i'm really not one to wear my heart on my sleeve. here's some things u can know. the assembly this past weekend was so amazing. such a blessing. talk about hearing exactly what u need to hear. i've been so frusterated, with myself really. it seems to be basically wanting to do more, feeling i NEED to, but having gotten stuck in a situation where it seems impossible, unreasonable maybe to do so....ha, well that was B4 the assembly. it's so amazing, and quite brilliant really all the ways we get distracted and lose sight of what our priorities should in fact be. check urself. get back on track and stay there. i'm very impatient. i think this is common knowledge to the majority. i think my impatience mite prove to be beneficial just this once. i know whats coming is going to seem risky, maybe even stupid to some. check urself, i know i will be okay. i fully believe this. and y wouldn't i? it's promised numerous times. so before u go judging and worrying, check urself. it's gonna be okay. ; )

everything to everyone. man i gotta keep better balance. i love my friends so much. that's something u can know too. "it's nice for u to actually be there when ur not needed too". wow. i suck. this was told to me after it started to hit me that i've been missing too much. it's impossible to be everything to everyone. frankly it's not our place. but naturally u wanna do whatever it is u can for ur friends. i try to do that. if u need something i'm there. i'll try my darndest at least. that's not what it's all about. enjoy ur friends! ur not just there to help people cope. love ur friends. goof off, have fun, just hang out and talk about nonsense, and be sure to take it in and appreciate it. i've been missing that and i am so sorry. u drift if all u r is the "go to" friend. not to mention u will exhaust urself. don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to friends to get u thru stuff, its very important, but is that all u got? be there when ur not needed.

i have to say good bye tomorrow. dang it. i'm really not wanting too. kinda need to tho. as hard as it is to say goodbye,there's nothing worse than not saying goodbye. speaking of goodbyes, i really ought to try and get some sleep. i could ramble on, maybe i should, but sleep is definatly calling. take care all, keep focused and whats really important, enjoy ur friends, don't avoid doing things that may be difficult, don't keep everything inside, and stop reading this and get some sleep!

if i ever feel better

2006-11-27T17:37:00.000-08:00

these past couple of weeks i've pulled a 180, been up, down, thrown around ,and just completely lost. it's ok, found myself again. no worries. ok don't freak out on me here but i stepped down from aux. just for the time being. i was gonna lose my job (and my bros for that matter) had i not. word of advice, never ever ever stop. i've never cried so hard driving home. it was so hard to do but it's only till jan. i'll be back 2 it in no time. u haven't a clue how hard it was to get me back to that point. that additude that ur not gonna stop me. i don't give up. i almost lost that for a bit. awwww, thanx abby! sorry, i felt the need to do that. i'm talking to my fellow abby about what's been going on. she's quite wonderful really.

this brings me to something. how is it the best part of u, u'll over look? i've been very privledged to meet some people who just blow me away. they r so amazing, and it's as clear as day...well, not like today, but a sunny day without a cloud in the sky kinda clear day (wonder if i'll ever see one of those again, stupid winter) and they have no idea how truly spectacular they really r. i'll never get that.

i've been really down with having to stop aux and other stuff and so i guess i got a bit selfish. thankfully i've got friends who have enough guts to call me on it. if i'm being a jerk let me know. sometimes we can all be a bit oblivious to our own imperfections, or actions. make me aware and if i don't chew ur head off :P i'll fix it. no worries, i'll fix it.

i disappeared for a nite. well i left and no one really knew where cept the ppl i went to go visit. between that and the c.o.'s visit i found myself out of that awful awful rut. self pity. so u cant do what u were doing at the before. stop feeling bad and do what u can. it's not how many times u fall down. it's the fact that u keep getting up. can't stop us now. sometimes ppl do u a world of good without knowing it. stay positive. somehow it hit me sunday that everything is going to be okay. and it will. i believe that, i will look u dead in the eyes and tell u that. somehow, everything is going to be okay.

i'm beginning to question my own sanity. service saturday morning we r heading out to a call in the country and i see this huge teepee tipi?? i haven't a clue how to spell that. te pe? u know, those cool things indians lived in. ok i'm gonna go with t p. neways it was past this call next to some farm or something like that. the whole way to the call i'm like " hey check it out! a giant t p! cool! look!!" no one sees it. so after the call i make the car group go and find this awesome t p. we r driving everywhere the whole time the group doubting me more and more and the whole time me insisting i saw this giant t p and we're probably really close.and we don't find it. and i'm sooooo certain i saw it too!! yeah. am i seeing things? the rest of the morning the group had a blast teasing me bout it. can u blame them?? man i'm so sure i saw it tho! i'm gonna go back out there and look. if i don't find it i may check myself into a mental institute.....or get more sleep.

sunday morning i'm driving back early from disappearing the nite before and i stopped at hardees for some cinnamon raisin biscuits...mmmmmm.....for breakfast. with them i got a milk. now the milk came in a carton and milk from those things tend to taste kinda weird. so when i drank it and thought it tasted kinda funny i wasn't too concerned. that is until the last swallow when all it was was chunks. EWW!! i spit it out screaming! (mind u i was still driving back). i feared for the worse. my thought " man, i am going to be soooooooo sick". somehow i was ok. i don't know y i just shared that with u, but i did. so enjoy. remind me to pick up the phoenix cds i'm missing. man i have a problem. i can't stop buying music. i'm broke. not a good combo. oh well, it makes me very happy.

never forget where i'm at

2006-11-13T15:23:00.000-08:00

i'm sitting here munching away on some left over skittles and decided i really should actually post something. well, what i REALLY should be doing is burning cds for ppl. meh. i'm far too lazy right now.
cricket an i went on a lil bit of a road trip this weekend. and we still aren't sick of eachother....weird. we went up to michigan. well wisconsin. no. ok i'm not entirely sure where we technically were. it's like the very border of wi and mi. a good friend lives up yonder and was like "hey come up. i'm having ppl over". i've been getting very restless staying in this general vicinity for so long so that was a totally welcomed invite. left sat. morning and didn't get lost at all! by about 3 we were in the middle of nowhere with some gr8 friends! new ones too! it was such a chill weekend. we played games, caught up, played music, and just enjoyed eachothers company. that's really what there is to do up there, u have to enjoy eachother. there's so much to do down here that that often gets over looked. it's the ppl, not the thing u choose to do.
sunday came and we headed out to the meeting....got there a lil late, go figure. the watchtower rocked. we are definatly being prepared. grabbed lunch with some friends afterwards. unfortunatly mike's house tried to kill me so when we got back i had to pack up pretty kwik and we headed out. asthma attack the nite b4 and i didn't wanna have a repeat. which is so weird cuz i haven't had anything that bad in ages! not to mention if ur not from the area u really don't wanna drive in the dark, WAY too many animals that will jump out in front of u. i've actually had a black bear run out in front of me before. cricket drove so i could get some sleep, that was sweet of her.....cept for the part when she woke me up asking which way we should turn and we were nowhere near where we needed to be.....missed a turn. haha oh well.
made it back home and ended up having some ppl over. that was cool, cept for the part where i was dead tired. haha hope some ppl brushed up on their smash bros skills!
i'm completely torn right now. what do i do? where do i go? do i stay? i dunno. i know a lot of ppl are going thru the same thing right now. i feel it's a lil different for me tho becuz seriously i think i could be happy just a bout anywhere. so then i'm like hey, y not go?? then i'm still like where?? ugh. i dunno. my reasonable side (which i tend to ignore most of the time) says u have a decent job, u have amazing friends, u could do a lot of good here, stay. and then there's that something else in me saying screw that! get out there and do something gr8!! any suggestions? in the meantime i'll wait and see what happens. ok i need more food than just leftover skittles. take care all.

matching socks r highly over rated

2006-11-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

here's some pix until i feel like actually typing out thoughts and happenings and what not.

where's the lyrics waldo??

2006-10-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

lol j/k j-man. i only tease becuz i'm insanely jealous. what a gr8 show!!!!!!!

"Better Things"

Here is wishing you the bluest skies
Hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hoping all the verses rhyme
The very best of choruses too
Follow all the doubt and sadness
I know that better things are on their way
Here is hoping all the days ahead
Won’t be as bitter as the ones behind you
Be an optimist instead
And somehow happiness will find you
Forget what happened yesterday
I know that better things are on their way
It’s really good to see you rocking out and having fun
Living like you’ve just begun
Accept your life and what it brings
I hope tomorrow you find better things
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things
Here is wishing you the bluest skies
Hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hoping all the verses rhyme
The very best of choruses too
Follow all the doubt and sadness
I know that better things are on their way
It’s really good to see you rocking out and having fun
Living like you’ve just begun
Accept your life and what it brings
I hope tomorrow you find better things
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things
Forget what happened yesterday
I know that better things are on their way
I know you got a lot of good things happening up ahead
The past is gone, it’s all been said
So here’s to what the future brings
I hope tomorrow you’ll find better things

mellowdrone

2006-10-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

somethings u just ought to know. somethings u just don't, quite frankly u won't. i know this much, i'm the kind of person who can befriend most anyone, not just them but their "group" as well. it's great really. problem. i have some of the greatest friends in the world. i'm completely sincere when i say that. i know these ppl will have my back no matter what. problem is i'm still not quite content it seems. it's driving me nuts, to have soo much and still feel i should be elsewhere doing something else. comes and goes really. hard to explain. anyone feel me on this??

u should know this. i am by far the worst possible bridesmaid ever. not kidding u here. allow me to explain. well, actually u don't have to allow me, i'm going to whether u like it or not. ok my weekend rocked. friday helped my buddie move then did our usual. the usual involves heading to the east side and hitting up our fav lil coffee house and pizza place. when its not freezing a stroll along the lakefront as well. ummm this is done pretty much every weekend if not more then once. ok sat i went with lauren on a journey to the thrift store....which we couldn't find. eventually we did. then hit the lovely downtown waukesha...haha waukesha what a dumb place. got some gilato...mmmmmm......gilato and a free hot cocoa score!! as we were driving back some lady was knocking on my window of the car at a stop sign. i look at lauren "there;s a crazy lady at my window. i'm gonna see what she wants" so i rolled it down and chatted with this crazy lady. she was nice advertising some new hair place or some jazz like that. wow. i got side tracked. ok well i finished that day by heading up north and hanging with my wonderful wonderful friends whom i love ever so much. gr8 times!!!

ok sunday morning i get up early (i'm still up north at a friends house). get ready and haul it down to port washington where i'm late for my friends talk. oops. afterwards i go with atom (friend who gave talk) leah (his wife) and luke an anna to eat. while eatting leah and i r talking about this great idea she had for a pioneer weekend. pretty much a bunch of ppl meet up in port we go out in service all day and then go camping that nite! fun! she we figure out a weekend. i then realize that super l8 for a wedding shower i said i'd be early to to help set up. seeing i'm standing up in it and all i figured i should help....well i was still coming from up north so i was a half an hour late to when the shower actually started...oops. ok, at the shower i started telling laura (maid of honor) bout the whole pioneer day camping thing. she asks when it is. i say the 1st weekend of nov. she just looks at me.
l: isn't there anything else going on that weekend?

a: i don't think so.

l: *stares blankly at me* r u sure??

a: yeah pretty sure.

l: what about THE WEDDING??!?!?!?!

a: OH CRAP!!!! I FORGOT! I'M THE WORST BRIDESMAID EVER!

yeah i'm at the wedding shower for the wedding i'm standing up in inviting ppl to come caping with me the same day as the wedding! i'm not gonna live that one down for wuite some time. i should really call leah and reschedule.

i believe u. the 3 sweetest words i've heard in such a long time. this weekend. long time coming to say the very least. i love my friends. i miss a lot of them a great deal. i think a lot of them don't miss me back. i think that's ok for now. i dunno y. u don't need to be missed all the time to be cared for. remind me that every once in awhile ok? thanx.

for some very amazing people (just change sarah to ur name)

2006-09-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

Midnight and the sound of rain
Sarah's on her way again
I see her smile and close her eyes
Shutting off the world outside
3rd Avenue rumbles all around her
So unaffected by the chaos that surrounds her
Write it once to the music in her head
It's a perfect song, moving her along
Through a broken world that changes every day
But inside Sarah's head everything's okay

Sarah Saturday, you radiate
And nothing in this world is wrong
Sarah Saturday, like a perfect song
Makes me wanna sing along

Burning down the world of lies
With just one glance of those clear blue eyes
Holding onto the truth with some quiet strength inside
She gives me hope for better times
Thank you Sarah for showing me the strength to free my mind
Rise above these troubled times
Write it once to the music in my head

It's a perfect song, moving me along
In a broken world that's changing every day
You make me feel that everything's okay

i can make a mess like nobody's business

2006-09-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

u know u had a decent football game when ur in the shower trying to determine bruises from mud.

wow i guess there's been quite a lot of happenings. ummm crashed a wedding on sat. ok no, i was going to crash but then somehow i accidentally got invited by the groom, so technically i ended up not crashing. but it sounds cooler to say crash. that was fun. jamin and i met up with a bunch of the milwaukee guys b4 hand ( love those guys!!)and went out to eat. then to the reception. granted i was like completely outta my element being all r and b and hip hop and what not but it was a blast! and not dancing was pretty much not an option, someone would grab u and not let go making u dance the entire song. haha thats ok tho, teddy and i totally rocked that salsa dance! : P

i'm officially a reg aux now. only good can come from that.

so it kinda of scares me as to who actually pays attention. ppl r watching u even when ur not aware. and i don't mean that in a creepy sorta way. i'm not sure i like it when i get to a point where ppl can actually point out to me that somethings not right and i've seemed a bit off or stressed. i'll be honest, my mind has been like everywhere. last nite for example i'm hanging with some gr8 friends and i'm just not really there. u'd be amazed how well u can fake. just lost in thought, that's all. don't take it personally.

ani, in like 1 month. i'm giving up a ska show to go see her. it better be amazazing! i'm sure it will. i mean come on, itz ani!! just got the tix. don't get me wrong, i've seriously cut back on shows, i'm letting some amazing bands slip by lately. however this is nessecity for me. shez one of those musicians i just HAVE to see. if ur a fan u'd understand. well, i've got some ppl coming over in a bit so i best be off. take care all.

"hi-jacked by the radio"

2006-08-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

is there anything better than watching one of the people u love most in the entire world experience their bliss?? i was so happy to see them happy, how gr8 really!

the title was something spoken at the concert last nite....well 2 nights ago depending on ur concept of time. third eye blind. do i even have to tell u have amazing it was?? 2 encores, one of the best shows ever. they r now what they call a "cult band" meaning the ppl who r at their shows now, who listen to and love em r their fanatics really. no more of this mainstream crowd. dude said this is how they always wanted it, then they got hijacked by the radio, but they r so happy to be back and playing for those who really love their music, not just a catchy tune they heard while listening to the radio. i love that they said that. granted it was probably all a load of crap, but hey, i still loved it.

i think i do some of my best thinking at shows. i don't know y. maybe its the atmosphere and being by ppl who love music as much as myself and r as thrilled to be right their with what they love. there's really nothing quite like it. then again maybe it's the heat, dehydration, and smoke all combining to make me so outta it i think i'm thinking well. i dunno.

how is it that how is it that what's truly in our hearts and what comes outta our mouths somehow always gets messed up by the tongue in between? imperfection. yikes. u know actions do speak louder than words. a glass of water proved this to be true. that doesn't mean u shouldn't listen to ppl tho. ur words still have a lot of meaning. afterall, ur gonna end up speaking about what's in ur heart sooner of later, u can't always hide what's inside. sometimes that's a very good thing.

i saw a deal go down tonite. i couldn't help but think of you.

"all i want to do is be there, for all the things ur going thru" "every minute is another chance to get it right"

hiding inside a crowd, go where the musics loud

2006-08-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

soooo i've stumbled across some pix for all of our ammusement. fantastic. i also caught a bit of a cold, therefore i haven't been up to much for the past like...2 days. i was taking a nap today (much needed) and my dad wakes me up and is like
"r u ok?"
"i'm kinda sick"
"well u've been home a bit lately just making sure everything's ok"
"i've been sick"
"ok, i'll let u sleep"

ok, so lemme get this straight, i'm home for 2 consecutive nites and my entz get worried. haha guess i'll be out and about tomorrow. seriously tho is it just me or is that a bit odd?? guess i'm gone a bit more then i've noticed. sweet i suppose, he noticed (my dad is one of the most unobservant ppl ever.) and then followed thru by asking. ppl need to do that more often, take the time to notice others and follow through with well, w/e they need to follow thru with, hanging out, a chat, help whatever it may be.

u ever get a bad feeling about something somewhere? got that. somethings off somehwere with someone, just not sure what. i'm sure i'll find out soon enough whether i want to or not, that's just how it worx.

content? i'm getting very restless again....maybe cuz it's becuz i've been home for 2 consecutive days (minus the bookstudy and work) haha. seriously tho. i've been thinking and i can't wait to be elsewhere doing so much more. i know i can do a lot of good, and just u watch, i will. in the meantime i'm widening out and pursuing my ministry more wholeheartedly and going to be devoting a lot more time to it. watch out september, we're stepping up, not backing down.

i've said it a lot. there r good ppl out there. it's just a matter of finding them. keeping them. long time coming, maybe this weekend?maybe? i dunno, balls not in my court. ur call, i'll wait. i'll wait till u say it's time. gonna right the wrong, or at least get a start on it. watch out now!

oh the pix, in no order orlando and i bust a move to the ammusement of others, pretty (nick) and spencer! disclaimer, and well yeah.

oh, for the record ska makes me happy. try starting ur day off listening to the happiest up beat music out there good things may follow. if not, well, at least u started ur day listening to some pretty sweet tunes.

random happenings

2006-08-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

so here's the dealio. yes i said dealio. mest...anyone?? yeesh. so i haven't really been too good on this whole "sleep" thing lately. its caught up and i've been crashing terribly. not my fault!!! ok, partially my fault! i guess that's what happens when ur out a bit too l8 mon...tues..wed...well, u get the point. so now i'm kinda sick too. bummer.

so last week we did the wt study. good times i suppose. too bad my friends and i have an awful concept of time. the majority fell asleep in my living room. here's something u should know. i am the friend who will brew some fresh coffee just for u at the wee hours in the morning just to ensure u r awake enough to make it home safely. that's right, caffinate and kick out. sat. was the slip n slide. so i put up a waver...and i was the only one to get hurt. go figure. we got the brilliant idea to have some1 lay on their back and have a person grab each arm and run them down the slide. so jamin was going and somehow went sideways took me out i wiped out and twisted my knee a lil. no biggie everything is a okay!

sunday i crashed yet another convention. jamin drove and it rained. then his windshield wipers broke while in illinois on the freeway. naturally they had to brake while going up and were stuck in his view. no worries, i got this. i roll down the window and try to reach the wipers. too short. hmph! i grab his ice scraper in the back seat and try again. i get it. phew! man there's nothing like hanging out a car in the rain on the freeway 1st thing in the morning to wake u up. i dried off by the time we got there. what a gr8 convention!! i get goosebumps for the last talk everytime. there was some seriously cool ppl there as well. later that night i meet up with al an mikhael for smoothies and a stroll down in milwaukee along the lakeshore goodtimes.

reel big fish and mxpx tues. AWESOME.

lets skip ahead. last nite i went swing dancing. SO MUCH FUN. u c all the "pros" showed up, like the ppl who have been doing this for years and r just fantasitc. take dominic for example. this guy's so good he makes it look like i know what i'm doing! it wasn't just the dancing but the ppl that showed up. i met some awesome ppl! well, and got to know others even better. u know u have those ppl u see places...assemblies, parties and what not and u know them but u don't really know them? yeah those ppl showed up so i got to know them better, i'm so glad i did. and it happened yet again, i'm sitting there and a girl comes up to me "you're a leaders aren't u?? abby right??" ......."uhhh yeah". i really don't know y but it happens a lot. she was cool, knew me from when i was a lil one and hung with my brothers i guess. afterwards we went to george webbs to recieve the slowest service ever. haha oh we now have many stories from webbs! ok i have to leave town for a bit. l8er!

the here and now

2006-08-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

john 15:13. lets hope it doesn't come to that, not yet at least.

letting go is harder then u'll ever know. i have no choice, i should've left when u left. i see that now. better late then never i suppose. it's great having people to help u see and accept this. so simply put (and u have no idea how perfect this is) "bye bye beautiful"

so i'm trying to figure out how to say thank u. not just thank u, but to let ppl know how much they've done for me, and mean to me, and how grateful i really am. i'm incredibly blessed. i don't wear my heart on my sleeve...i don't think i do. ok occasionally, but not always. so its hard to find the right words at the right time to express what i really need to convey to others. so this brings me to yet another random post. i'll figure out a way.

i've become a bit dull. no seriously, i was outta town this past weekend, and granted i was kinda depressed, but crap man!! i wasn't all that fun. no worries i'm finding my good ol self again. haha example. this weekend...i'm thinking friday after the wt study actually....biggest slip n slide ever! we have a bunch of them from jamin's grad party so i'm gonna line them all up going down the lil hill in the back yard, i'm probably gonna put soap or oil of some sort on it so ppl make it all the way. i'm thinking of taking a sled down it. we always have a variety of inflatable sea creatures to ride down on as well : ) not to mention the inflatable slide that u slide down onto the slip n slides! should be around 75 ft of slippery goodness!! no worries i'll try and remember to take pix.

new york anyone?it'd have to be this month. i'm giving some1 1st dibs. if ur interested tho lemme know. i have a friend in bethel and he's like (and i kid u not )"COME VISIT!" and so i'm like "I'LL TRY!" that'd be cool, i've never been to new york before. well i have ppl coming over so i should prob do what i have to do b4 they get here. take care all.

"wanna keep u from breaking, wanna keep u from shaking. wanna keep u from keeping u down."

i couldn't put it any better myself

2006-07-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

Did you ever get the feeling that you were all alone
And no one ever knew you and you never had a home
And the lights and the colors do their best to distract you
Screw you
I don't even know why I like you
It's all a blur It's all a blur
It's all a blur It's all a blur
Like a picture It's all a blur
You don't know what you're missing
You don't know what you're missing
I've been trying so hard just to keep away
And now look where I am standing at today
Trying so hard to walk away But it's impossible to watch you fade away
Did you ever stop believing after all was said and done?
When you turned to your friends but they were long gone
And the sky and the snapshots remind you
I trust you and I'm always going to miss you
It's all a blur It's all a blur
Bring it back I said It's all a blur It's all a blur
Like a picture
Reminds me who you were
You don't know what you're missing
You don't know what you're missing
Every time I see you look at me I see those distant eyes
And your looks are fading
And every time you're next to me
I wanna talk and feel
And act like we used to
'Cause everybody knows and everybody cares
Until they're walking in my shoes
And now I know
It's you I fear I'll lose
It's all a blur
And I know you
You can take it all
When I call
Pick up the phone
Like you used to It's all a blur
Like a picture It's all a blur You're just a blur
Trying dying so hard
I've been Dening that I'm not scarred
I've been Crying I am so far
But it's impossible to fill this space
Impossible to take your place
Impossible to watch you fade away

help

2006-07-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

i don't think i can do this, i really don't think i can. i don't think i should do this. unfortunatly, i said i would do this. it's one of those things where it seems beyond me. i don't think u left enough of me to be capable of dealing with this....and yet here we r. some1 said it was always in me to be great, is this was she meant?like i'll step it up inspite of myself? tomorrow's gonna come, sunday too, and i'm gonna go despite controversy, i said would. u try saying no to that! how have we come to this? u forced me to leave u, i never wanted to be reunited in such circumstances. this weekend's gonna suck. on the plus side my airconditoning is fixed. too bad the rest of the car isn't.

"i'm not ready for some burned down bridge just yet. don't worry i'll catch u, u were my sweetest downfall."

"sunny day"

2006-07-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

so when r u nice to the extent of being a pushover?? what's the line there?? i'm pretty sure it's been crossed. i'm not one to toy with. a lot of stuff has been going on lately. lets see here.

last week. i think it was last week. i went to summerfest, i still dunno y. i've only said how much i hate summerfest a million times. then again the dresden dolls can be very persuading. and the fact i had made plans with my new punk friend. i finally found a girl who's a punk and loves music and shows as much as i do!! i have to say even tho i couldn't see a thing, amanda didn't miss a note! amazing truly, even if she didn't play my fav song.

i just started ripping on the "fans" at summerfest. example, 2 kids on a table sam (friend) goes to stand on the table to look for jason (friend who we kinda lost) " u can't stand there we've been saving this since 2! get off!" says tweedle dumb and dumber. emily (cool punk chick) explains he's just looking for her husband. now these two guys were dressed identical (seemed to be the theme of the nite, dress the same as some1 else) so i chime in "yeah bobsy twins, y don't u just chill and go solve a mystery or something". there is no comeback to that. they're quiet. we find jason.

do u ever have ppl just open up to u?? it keeps happening and i'm not sure y. do i look trustworthy?? i don't mind at all, i like it, and i love that ppl actually want me to listen or help. just kinda weird.

things r going as planned for aux. i just gotta get rid of my car soon. it keeps breaking. actually i outta go get ready for service now. take care all!

random grad pix

2006-07-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

u ever have a song that sings just to u?

2006-07-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

Quiet now, your voice seems miles away
It’s somehow I hear your song resound
A little bit softer each day
And from my tired heart, a little bit farther away
I’ll sing along
The whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do
You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that flow
You have my attention
Like a shout through an empty sanctuary
Speak but a whisper
I’ll hear a sermon
I’ll sing along, the whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do
I’ll sing along, the whole night through
While you sleep safely
I’ll be thinking about you
You have my attention

i relate to this band far too well.

tell all ur friends

2006-07-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

outta sight outta mind. or so it seems. it's a bit of a challenge to stay involved in everyones lives. it sux. unless of course ur trying to push me out, then just say so and save me the agony of trying to be where i'm not wanted. i was chatting with a person bringing out some click issues i've been seeing and suggested widening out more, becuz it's really a wonderful thing. somehow it got brought out that wideing out can mean leaving ur old friends or some crap like that. or maybe that was just meant towards me. i dunno, i never got it clarified. is that the case? it's not my intention at all, i hate leaving old friends behind (although sadly sometimes u have to)...do my actions show that tho? thought provoking. i tend to not be around a lot, or not see those i really want to enough, i'm terribly sorry. i'll work on that. it's kinda hard to be everywhere at once tho. it goes both ways tho, ppl don't see me and i become non- existant, am i not anything to u unless i'm with u? messed up.

taking back sunday. i'm speechless....mainly cuz i kinda lost my voice a lil from screaming along. it was sooooooooo hot...in both meanings of the word. we danced for the subways, i love their accents!! it was a blast. head automica was ok, the acoustics weren't really to their advantage. angels and airwaves, i'll bring u up to date realy quick with this band. u know blink 182?? dumb question of course u do, everyone does. well this is tom delonge's (singer from blink) new band, he recruited members from i believe boxcar racer and the distillers as well to make something gr8. u expect something special from such well known musicians, they didn't disapoint. there was something in the air when they played. honestly. i moved and could feel static electricty or something everywhere, it was so weird. tbs, wow. i had no idea how gr8 they would be...again. i think having jen there to scream along with me to everything made it that much better, thanx buddie.

well i'm off to catch up on some reading, possibly catch up on mixing some cd's i've promised for ppl, and then well, who knows. it's so gr8 to just sit back and not have anything planned sometimes. i hope it storms. take care all.

i can't believe that actually worked.

2006-06-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

thanx j-man! granted i had to run around the house and then climb a closet, totally worth it.