this is where i'm at

everywhere but where i should be

2008-06-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

i don't really blog any more. u notice that too?? i'm at my entz house rite now and i should be sleeping, but who am i kidding? i don't sleep. all it takes is a couple of ppl or phone calls and my slumber has been stolen from me. really wish they'd give it back.
anyways. i got off track. in more ways than one. it's ridiculous really. it happens and u have no idea it is! its so easy to become selfish or lazy or just preoccupied and lose sight of what matters. crazy really, sum girl i'll probably never see again brought me back to my senses thru one seemingly normal introductional conversation. i'm quite sure she has no idea, but i'll remain thankful none the less. i think i'll make it into a song. u may have just saved me, thanx stranger.
i'm curious. how do u say goodbye? should u say goodbye? i mean truly there is no definite end here. times running out and i still don't even know how to do what it is i'm supposed to. i can't seem to find the words so i make it into music. i hope it doesn't become something that haunts me.
jamin has a part on the district conv. tomorrow. how cool is that?? and even cooler, our cousin is going to go!! she fell outta the truth years ago, so this is super exciting. the events that brought this all about r hardly coincidental, even cooler.
alrite u crazy kids. i'm out. take care of urselves, and others.

"and i miss u, even here taking it all in"

2007-07-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

<--on some steps in vienna

wow. it's been forever. i don't even rememb

er the last time i posted. well i guess oodles and oodles of stuff has been going on. went to the conv again this past weekend, had my rockin chicago kids there. love them! the conv. itself was as usual exactly what i needed to hear.

umm...went to europe. this is how i describe the trip to everyone who asks. "europe was a week on a boat with 30 sum relatives." *shudders* never travel without ur budz! i mean it was so incredibly beautiful, but by the 2nd day ppl were ready to kill eachother, and jamin and i were ridiculously friend-sick. honestly the title "and i miss u even here taking it all in" -minus the bear, was all that kept running thru my head. i don't get homesick, and i figured out y. whenever i'm not at home i'm with friends. so i never ever am missing everyone all at once. well that was until europe. man i missed u guys!

been thinkin to myself alot. fireworx seen from rooftops downtown rock. totally worth the effort. some ppl r worth taking the risk. sometimes u just need to risk it find out then spend forever wondering.

i was bored on lunch one day. go figure. so naturally i sent out a mass txt. ppl develop a self image. how they think they look in the eyes of others. but what i think doesn't really tell me what u actually think. so i asked. i asked ppl to describe themselves in 3 words, to see if i see them how they see themselves. and then 3 words that describe me. in no order here's me in a nutshell. i wrote exactly what was sent to me, these r ur words, not mine.oh a lot were duplicates, hence the numbers, so u know how many times it was used. eye-opener. thanx guys.

hilarious 2

spontanious

fun loving 2

crazy 4

clumsy

fun 10

chill

spiritual 6

spunky 3

weird

corny

witty 2

vivacious

precious

easy to get along with

non-judgemental

sassy

outgoing 3

energetic

happy 3

determined

strong 2

loyal

bummy

funny

real

flippin freakin sweet

kind 2

social

comfortable

sweet

open

bold 2

confident 2

easy going 3

cool 5

into music 2

intellectual

yare

satariun

seapin

jamin's sister

laid back

friendly

trusting

slow to anger

open minded

intelligent 3

unpredictable

quirky

nice 3

radtastic

whimsical

caring 2

positive

tomboy

active

faithful

loving 2

fragile

friend

musicologist

insightful

uplifting

honest

unique

supportive

adventurous

energetic 2

interesting

awesome

easy to love

well i've typed far too much. i'm gonna call it quits and nap. l8er.

eight days a week

2007-04-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

alive for the moment

2007-02-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

it's so weird how a random txt in the middle of the nite has the potential to seriously change so much. it's funny how no one's gonna know what i'm talking about. i discovered an amazing new band. well, more like one guy. i WILL find this cd tomorrow. i don't care where i have to go. by the time i have to be everywhere sunday this cd will be singing me thru the whole journey. things r good. well, for me at least. we'll see if we can't spread that around a bit. things change fast.

here too

2007-01-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

and there

this is where i've been lately

2007-01-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

yup. there, an there, an there, and so forth and so on.

a mind of her own

2006-12-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

one of my imperfections is being so quick to notice yours. terribly sorry. oddly enough this proved to be beneficial a couple weeks ago. well, i wasn't quick to notice. but the point is i eventually did. you ever have a moment where it just hits u? everything u've been fighting off, ignoring, even running away from, u just let in. all it took was a chat with a friend who had sadly found herself in a position i myself was usually in. looking in from the outside, man what an eye opener. hearing the all too familiar dispare in her voice and knowing she got sucked in again. into the awful crap, drama, and ridiculous events that somehow becomes one's life. and it hit me. some people won't change. some people don't change. i hate it. i've never been good at letting go. i'm not sure i ever genuinely have. there's a first time for everything i guess. just sux it had to be u.

i've been told i keep things in too much. if u seriously wanna know what's going on, ask. and be incredibly patient, opening up isn't easy. i'm really not one to wear my heart on my sleeve. here's some things u can know. the assembly this past weekend was so amazing. such a blessing. talk about hearing exactly what u need to hear. i've been so frusterated, with myself really. it seems to be basically wanting to do more, feeling i NEED to, but having gotten stuck in a situation where it seems impossible, unreasonable maybe to do so....ha, well that was B4 the assembly. it's so amazing, and quite brilliant really all the ways we get distracted and lose sight of what our priorities should in fact be. check urself. get back on track and stay there. i'm very impatient. i think this is common knowledge to the majority. i think my impatience mite prove to be beneficial just this once. i know whats coming is going to seem risky, maybe even stupid to some. check urself, i know i will be okay. i fully believe this. and y wouldn't i? it's promised numerous times. so before u go judging and worrying, check urself. it's gonna be okay. ; )

everything to everyone. man i gotta keep better balance. i love my friends so much. that's something u can know too. "it's nice for u to actually be there when ur not needed too". wow. i suck. this was told to me after it started to hit me that i've been missing too much. it's impossible to be everything to everyone. frankly it's not our place. but naturally u wanna do whatever it is u can for ur friends. i try to do that. if u need something i'm there. i'll try my darndest at least. that's not what it's all about. enjoy ur friends! ur not just there to help people cope. love ur friends. goof off, have fun, just hang out and talk about nonsense, and be sure to take it in and appreciate it. i've been missing that and i am so sorry. u drift if all u r is the "go to" friend. not to mention u will exhaust urself. don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to friends to get u thru stuff, its very important, but is that all u got? be there when ur not needed.

i have to say good bye tomorrow. dang it. i'm really not wanting too. kinda need to tho. as hard as it is to say goodbye,there's nothing worse than not saying goodbye. speaking of goodbyes, i really ought to try and get some sleep. i could ramble on, maybe i should, but sleep is definatly calling. take care all, keep focused and whats really important, enjoy ur friends, don't avoid doing things that may be difficult, don't keep everything inside, and stop reading this and get some sleep!

if i ever feel better

2006-11-27T17:37:00.000-08:00

these past couple of weeks i've pulled a 180, been up, down, thrown around ,and just completely lost. it's ok, found myself again. no worries. ok don't freak out on me here but i stepped down from aux. just for the time being. i was gonna lose my job (and my bros for that matter) had i not. word of advice, never ever ever stop. i've never cried so hard driving home. it was so hard to do but it's only till jan. i'll be back 2 it in no time. u haven't a clue how hard it was to get me back to that point. that additude that ur not gonna stop me. i don't give up. i almost lost that for a bit. awwww, thanx abby! sorry, i felt the need to do that. i'm talking to my fellow abby about what's been going on. she's quite wonderful really.

this brings me to something. how is it the best part of u, u'll over look? i've been very privledged to meet some people who just blow me away. they r so amazing, and it's as clear as day...well, not like today, but a sunny day without a cloud in the sky kinda clear day (wonder if i'll ever see one of those again, stupid winter) and they have no idea how truly spectacular they really r. i'll never get that.

i've been really down with having to stop aux and other stuff and so i guess i got a bit selfish. thankfully i've got friends who have enough guts to call me on it. if i'm being a jerk let me know. sometimes we can all be a bit oblivious to our own imperfections, or actions. make me aware and if i don't chew ur head off :P i'll fix it. no worries, i'll fix it.

i disappeared for a nite. well i left and no one really knew where cept the ppl i went to go visit. between that and the c.o.'s visit i found myself out of that awful awful rut. self pity. so u cant do what u were doing at the before. stop feeling bad and do what u can. it's not how many times u fall down. it's the fact that u keep getting up. can't stop us now. sometimes ppl do u a world of good without knowing it. stay positive. somehow it hit me sunday that everything is going to be okay. and it will. i believe that, i will look u dead in the eyes and tell u that. somehow, everything is going to be okay.

i'm beginning to question my own sanity. service saturday morning we r heading out to a call in the country and i see this huge teepee tipi?? i haven't a clue how to spell that. te pe? u know, those cool things indians lived in. ok i'm gonna go with t p. neways it was past this call next to some farm or something like that. the whole way to the call i'm like " hey check it out! a giant t p! cool! look!!" no one sees it. so after the call i make the car group go and find this awesome t p. we r driving everywhere the whole time the group doubting me more and more and the whole time me insisting i saw this giant t p and we're probably really close.and we don't find it. and i'm sooooo certain i saw it too!! yeah. am i seeing things? the rest of the morning the group had a blast teasing me bout it. can u blame them?? man i'm so sure i saw it tho! i'm gonna go back out there and look. if i don't find it i may check myself into a mental institute.....or get more sleep.

sunday morning i'm driving back early from disappearing the nite before and i stopped at hardees for some cinnamon raisin biscuits...mmmmmm.....for breakfast. with them i got a milk. now the milk came in a carton and milk from those things tend to taste kinda weird. so when i drank it and thought it tasted kinda funny i wasn't too concerned. that is until the last swallow when all it was was chunks. EWW!! i spit it out screaming! (mind u i was still driving back). i feared for the worse. my thought " man, i am going to be soooooooo sick". somehow i was ok. i don't know y i just shared that with u, but i did. so enjoy. remind me to pick up the phoenix cds i'm missing. man i have a problem. i can't stop buying music. i'm broke. not a good combo. oh well, it makes me very happy.

never forget where i'm at

2006-11-13T15:23:00.000-08:00

i'm sitting here munching away on some left over skittles and decided i really should actually post something. well, what i REALLY should be doing is burning cds for ppl. meh. i'm far too lazy right now.
cricket an i went on a lil bit of a road trip this weekend. and we still aren't sick of eachother....weird. we went up to michigan. well wisconsin. no. ok i'm not entirely sure where we technically were. it's like the very border of wi and mi. a good friend lives up yonder and was like "hey come up. i'm having ppl over". i've been getting very restless staying in this general vicinity for so long so that was a totally welcomed invite. left sat. morning and didn't get lost at all! by about 3 we were in the middle of nowhere with some gr8 friends! new ones too! it was such a chill weekend. we played games, caught up, played music, and just enjoyed eachothers company. that's really what there is to do up there, u have to enjoy eachother. there's so much to do down here that that often gets over looked. it's the ppl, not the thing u choose to do.
sunday came and we headed out to the meeting....got there a lil late, go figure. the watchtower rocked. we are definatly being prepared. grabbed lunch with some friends afterwards. unfortunatly mike's house tried to kill me so when we got back i had to pack up pretty kwik and we headed out. asthma attack the nite b4 and i didn't wanna have a repeat. which is so weird cuz i haven't had anything that bad in ages! not to mention if ur not from the area u really don't wanna drive in the dark, WAY too many animals that will jump out in front of u. i've actually had a black bear run out in front of me before. cricket drove so i could get some sleep, that was sweet of her.....cept for the part when she woke me up asking which way we should turn and we were nowhere near where we needed to be.....missed a turn. haha oh well.
made it back home and ended up having some ppl over. that was cool, cept for the part where i was dead tired. haha hope some ppl brushed up on their smash bros skills!
i'm completely torn right now. what do i do? where do i go? do i stay? i dunno. i know a lot of ppl are going thru the same thing right now. i feel it's a lil different for me tho becuz seriously i think i could be happy just a bout anywhere. so then i'm like hey, y not go?? then i'm still like where?? ugh. i dunno. my reasonable side (which i tend to ignore most of the time) says u have a decent job, u have amazing friends, u could do a lot of good here, stay. and then there's that something else in me saying screw that! get out there and do something gr8!! any suggestions? in the meantime i'll wait and see what happens. ok i need more food than just leftover skittles. take care all.

matching socks r highly over rated

2006-11-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

here's some pix until i feel like actually typing out thoughts and happenings and what not.

where's the lyrics waldo??

2006-10-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

lol j/k j-man. i only tease becuz i'm insanely jealous. what a gr8 show!!!!!!!

"Better Things"

Here is wishing you the bluest skies
Hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hoping all the verses rhyme
The very best of choruses too
Follow all the doubt and sadness
I know that better things are on their way
Here is hoping all the days ahead
Won’t be as bitter as the ones behind you
Be an optimist instead
And somehow happiness will find you
Forget what happened yesterday
I know that better things are on their way
It’s really good to see you rocking out and having fun
Living like you’ve just begun
Accept your life and what it brings
I hope tomorrow you find better things
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things
Here is wishing you the bluest skies
Hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hoping all the verses rhyme
The very best of choruses too
Follow all the doubt and sadness
I know that better things are on their way
It’s really good to see you rocking out and having fun
Living like you’ve just begun
Accept your life and what it brings
I hope tomorrow you find better things
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things
Forget what happened yesterday
I know that better things are on their way
I know you got a lot of good things happening up ahead
The past is gone, it’s all been said
So here’s to what the future brings
I hope tomorrow you’ll find better things

mellowdrone

2006-10-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

somethings u just ought to know. somethings u just don't, quite frankly u won't. i know this much, i'm the kind of person who can befriend most anyone, not just them but their "group" as well. it's great really. problem. i have some of the greatest friends in the world. i'm completely sincere when i say that. i know these ppl will have my back no matter what. problem is i'm still not quite content it seems. it's driving me nuts, to have soo much and still feel i should be elsewhere doing something else. comes and goes really. hard to explain. anyone feel me on this??

u should know this. i am by far the worst possible bridesmaid ever. not kidding u here. allow me to explain. well, actually u don't have to allow me, i'm going to whether u like it or not. ok my weekend rocked. friday helped my buddie move then did our usual. the usual involves heading to the east side and hitting up our fav lil coffee house and pizza place. when its not freezing a stroll along the lakefront as well. ummm this is done pretty much every weekend if not more then once. ok sat i went with lauren on a journey to the thrift store....which we couldn't find. eventually we did. then hit the lovely downtown waukesha...haha waukesha what a dumb place. got some gilato...mmmmmm......gilato and a free hot cocoa score!! as we were driving back some lady was knocking on my window of the car at a stop sign. i look at lauren "there;s a crazy lady at my window. i'm gonna see what she wants" so i rolled it down and chatted with this crazy lady. she was nice advertising some new hair place or some jazz like that. wow. i got side tracked. ok well i finished that day by heading up north and hanging with my wonderful wonderful friends whom i love ever so much. gr8 times!!!

ok sunday morning i get up early (i'm still up north at a friends house). get ready and haul it down to port washington where i'm late for my friends talk. oops. afterwards i go with atom (friend who gave talk) leah (his wife) and luke an anna to eat. while eatting leah and i r talking about this great idea she had for a pioneer weekend. pretty much a bunch of ppl meet up in port we go out in service all day and then go camping that nite! fun! she we figure out a weekend. i then realize that super l8 for a wedding shower i said i'd be early to to help set up. seeing i'm standing up in it and all i figured i should help....well i was still coming from up north so i was a half an hour late to when the shower actually started...oops. ok, at the shower i started telling laura (maid of honor) bout the whole pioneer day camping thing. she asks when it is. i say the 1st weekend of nov. she just looks at me.
l: isn't there anything else going on that weekend?

a: i don't think so.

l: *stares blankly at me* r u sure??

a: yeah pretty sure.

l: what about THE WEDDING??!?!?!?!

a: OH CRAP!!!! I FORGOT! I'M THE WORST BRIDESMAID EVER!

yeah i'm at the wedding shower for the wedding i'm standing up in inviting ppl to come caping with me the same day as the wedding! i'm not gonna live that one down for wuite some time. i should really call leah and reschedule.

i believe u. the 3 sweetest words i've heard in such a long time. this weekend. long time coming to say the very least. i love my friends. i miss a lot of them a great deal. i think a lot of them don't miss me back. i think that's ok for now. i dunno y. u don't need to be missed all the time to be cared for. remind me that every once in awhile ok? thanx.

for some very amazing people (just change sarah to ur name)

2006-09-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

Midnight and the sound of rain
Sarah's on her way again
I see her smile and close her eyes
Shutting off the world outside
3rd Avenue rumbles all around her
So unaffected by the chaos that surrounds her
Write it once to the music in her head
It's a perfect song, moving her along
Through a broken world that changes every day
But inside Sarah's head everything's okay

Sarah Saturday, you radiate
And nothing in this world is wrong
Sarah Saturday, like a perfect song
Makes me wanna sing along

Burning down the world of lies
With just one glance of those clear blue eyes
Holding onto the truth with some quiet strength inside
She gives me hope for better times
Thank you Sarah for showing me the strength to free my mind
Rise above these troubled times
Write it once to the music in my head

It's a perfect song, moving me along
In a broken world that's changing every day
You make me feel that everything's okay

i can make a mess like nobody's business

2006-09-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

u know u had a decent football game when ur in the shower trying to determine bruises from mud.

wow i guess there's been quite a lot of happenings. ummm crashed a wedding on sat. ok no, i was going to crash but then somehow i accidentally got invited by the groom, so technically i ended up not crashing. but it sounds cooler to say crash. that was fun. jamin and i met up with a bunch of the milwaukee guys b4 hand ( love those guys!!)and went out to eat. then to the reception. granted i was like completely outta my element being all r and b and hip hop and what not but it was a blast! and not dancing was pretty much not an option, someone would grab u and not let go making u dance the entire song. haha thats ok tho, teddy and i totally rocked that salsa dance! : P

i'm officially a reg aux now. only good can come from that.

so it kinda of scares me as to who actually pays attention. ppl r watching u even when ur not aware. and i don't mean that in a creepy sorta way. i'm not sure i like it when i get to a point where ppl can actually point out to me that somethings not right and i've seemed a bit off or stressed. i'll be honest, my mind has been like everywhere. last nite for example i'm hanging with some gr8 friends and i'm just not really there. u'd be amazed how well u can fake. just lost in thought, that's all. don't take it personally.

ani, in like 1 month. i'm giving up a ska show to go see her. it better be amazazing! i'm sure it will. i mean come on, itz ani!! just got the tix. don't get me wrong, i've seriously cut back on shows, i'm letting some amazing bands slip by lately. however this is nessecity for me. shez one of those musicians i just HAVE to see. if ur a fan u'd understand. well, i've got some ppl coming over in a bit so i best be off. take care all.

"hi-jacked by the radio"

2006-08-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

is there anything better than watching one of the people u love most in the entire world experience their bliss?? i was so happy to see them happy, how gr8 really!

the title was something spoken at the concert last nite....well 2 nights ago depending on ur concept of time. third eye blind. do i even have to tell u have amazing it was?? 2 encores, one of the best shows ever. they r now what they call a "cult band" meaning the ppl who r at their shows now, who listen to and love em r their fanatics really. no more of this mainstream crowd. dude said this is how they always wanted it, then they got hijacked by the radio, but they r so happy to be back and playing for those who really love their music, not just a catchy tune they heard while listening to the radio. i love that they said that. granted it was probably all a load of crap, but hey, i still loved it.

i think i do some of my best thinking at shows. i don't know y. maybe its the atmosphere and being by ppl who love music as much as myself and r as thrilled to be right their with what they love. there's really nothing quite like it. then again maybe it's the heat, dehydration, and smoke all combining to make me so outta it i think i'm thinking well. i dunno.

how is it that how is it that what's truly in our hearts and what comes outta our mouths somehow always gets messed up by the tongue in between? imperfection. yikes. u know actions do speak louder than words. a glass of water proved this to be true. that doesn't mean u shouldn't listen to ppl tho. ur words still have a lot of meaning. afterall, ur gonna end up speaking about what's in ur heart sooner of later, u can't always hide what's inside. sometimes that's a very good thing.

i saw a deal go down tonite. i couldn't help but think of you.

"all i want to do is be there, for all the things ur going thru" "every minute is another chance to get it right"

hiding inside a crowd, go where the musics loud

2006-08-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

soooo i've stumbled across some pix for all of our ammusement. fantastic. i also caught a bit of a cold, therefore i haven't been up to much for the past like...2 days. i was taking a nap today (much needed) and my dad wakes me up and is like
"r u ok?"
"i'm kinda sick"
"well u've been home a bit lately just making sure everything's ok"
"i've been sick"
"ok, i'll let u sleep"

ok, so lemme get this straight, i'm home for 2 consecutive nites and my entz get worried. haha guess i'll be out and about tomorrow. seriously tho is it just me or is that a bit odd?? guess i'm gone a bit more then i've noticed. sweet i suppose, he noticed (my dad is one of the most unobservant ppl ever.) and then followed thru by asking. ppl need to do that more often, take the time to notice others and follow through with well, w/e they need to follow thru with, hanging out, a chat, help whatever it may be.

u ever get a bad feeling about something somewhere? got that. somethings off somehwere with someone, just not sure what. i'm sure i'll find out soon enough whether i want to or not, that's just how it worx.

content? i'm getting very restless again....maybe cuz it's becuz i've been home for 2 consecutive days (minus the bookstudy and work) haha. seriously tho. i've been thinking and i can't wait to be elsewhere doing so much more. i know i can do a lot of good, and just u watch, i will. in the meantime i'm widening out and pursuing my ministry more wholeheartedly and going to be devoting a lot more time to it. watch out september, we're stepping up, not backing down.

i've said it a lot. there r good ppl out there. it's just a matter of finding them. keeping them. long time coming, maybe this weekend?maybe? i dunno, balls not in my court. ur call, i'll wait. i'll wait till u say it's time. gonna right the wrong, or at least get a start on it. watch out now!

oh the pix, in no order orlando and i bust a move to the ammusement of others, pretty (nick) and spencer! disclaimer, and well yeah.

oh, for the record ska makes me happy. try starting ur day off listening to the happiest up beat music out there good things may follow. if not, well, at least u started ur day listening to some pretty sweet tunes.

random happenings

2006-08-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

so here's the dealio. yes i said dealio. mest...anyone?? yeesh. so i haven't really been too good on this whole "sleep" thing lately. its caught up and i've been crashing terribly. not my fault!!! ok, partially my fault! i guess that's what happens when ur out a bit too l8 mon...tues..wed...well, u get the point. so now i'm kinda sick too. bummer.

so last week we did the wt study. good times i suppose. too bad my friends and i have an awful concept of time. the majority fell asleep in my living room. here's something u should know. i am the friend who will brew some fresh coffee just for u at the wee hours in the morning just to ensure u r awake enough to make it home safely. that's right, caffinate and kick out. sat. was the slip n slide. so i put up a waver...and i was the only one to get hurt. go figure. we got the brilliant idea to have some1 lay on their back and have a person grab each arm and run them down the slide. so jamin was going and somehow went sideways took me out i wiped out and twisted my knee a lil. no biggie everything is a okay!

sunday i crashed yet another convention. jamin drove and it rained. then his windshield wipers broke while in illinois on the freeway. naturally they had to brake while going up and were stuck in his view. no worries, i got this. i roll down the window and try to reach the wipers. too short. hmph! i grab his ice scraper in the back seat and try again. i get it. phew! man there's nothing like hanging out a car in the rain on the freeway 1st thing in the morning to wake u up. i dried off by the time we got there. what a gr8 convention!! i get goosebumps for the last talk everytime. there was some seriously cool ppl there as well. later that night i meet up with al an mikhael for smoothies and a stroll down in milwaukee along the lakeshore goodtimes.

reel big fish and mxpx tues. AWESOME.

lets skip ahead. last nite i went swing dancing. SO MUCH FUN. u c all the "pros" showed up, like the ppl who have been doing this for years and r just fantasitc. take dominic for example. this guy's so good he makes it look like i know what i'm doing! it wasn't just the dancing but the ppl that showed up. i met some awesome ppl! well, and got to know others even better. u know u have those ppl u see places...assemblies, parties and what not and u know them but u don't really know them? yeah those ppl showed up so i got to know them better, i'm so glad i did. and it happened yet again, i'm sitting there and a girl comes up to me "you're a leaders aren't u?? abby right??" ......."uhhh yeah". i really don't know y but it happens a lot. she was cool, knew me from when i was a lil one and hung with my brothers i guess. afterwards we went to george webbs to recieve the slowest service ever. haha oh we now have many stories from webbs! ok i have to leave town for a bit. l8er!

the here and now

2006-08-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

john 15:13. lets hope it doesn't come to that, not yet at least.

letting go is harder then u'll ever know. i have no choice, i should've left when u left. i see that now. better late then never i suppose. it's great having people to help u see and accept this. so simply put (and u have no idea how perfect this is) "bye bye beautiful"

so i'm trying to figure out how to say thank u. not just thank u, but to let ppl know how much they've done for me, and mean to me, and how grateful i really am. i'm incredibly blessed. i don't wear my heart on my sleeve...i don't think i do. ok occasionally, but not always. so its hard to find the right words at the right time to express what i really need to convey to others. so this brings me to yet another random post. i'll figure out a way.

i've become a bit dull. no seriously, i was outta town this past weekend, and granted i was kinda depressed, but crap man!! i wasn't all that fun. no worries i'm finding my good ol self again. haha example. this weekend...i'm thinking friday after the wt study actually....biggest slip n slide ever! we have a bunch of them from jamin's grad party so i'm gonna line them all up going down the lil hill in the back yard, i'm probably gonna put soap or oil of some sort on it so ppl make it all the way. i'm thinking of taking a sled down it. we always have a variety of inflatable sea creatures to ride down on as well : ) not to mention the inflatable slide that u slide down onto the slip n slides! should be around 75 ft of slippery goodness!! no worries i'll try and remember to take pix.

new york anyone?it'd have to be this month. i'm giving some1 1st dibs. if ur interested tho lemme know. i have a friend in bethel and he's like (and i kid u not )"COME VISIT!" and so i'm like "I'LL TRY!" that'd be cool, i've never been to new york before. well i have ppl coming over so i should prob do what i have to do b4 they get here. take care all.

"wanna keep u from breaking, wanna keep u from shaking. wanna keep u from keeping u down."

i couldn't put it any better myself

2006-07-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

Did you ever get the feeling that you were all alone
And no one ever knew you and you never had a home
And the lights and the colors do their best to distract you
Screw you
I don't even know why I like you
It's all a blur It's all a blur
It's all a blur It's all a blur
Like a picture It's all a blur
You don't know what you're missing
You don't know what you're missing
I've been trying so hard just to keep away
And now look where I am standing at today
Trying so hard to walk away But it's impossible to watch you fade away
Did you ever stop believing after all was said and done?
When you turned to your friends but they were long gone
And the sky and the snapshots remind you
I trust you and I'm always going to miss you
It's all a blur It's all a blur
Bring it back I said It's all a blur It's all a blur
Like a picture
Reminds me who you were
You don't know what you're missing
You don't know what you're missing
Every time I see you look at me I see those distant eyes
And your looks are fading
And every time you're next to me
I wanna talk and feel
And act like we used to
'Cause everybody knows and everybody cares
Until they're walking in my shoes
And now I know
It's you I fear I'll lose
It's all a blur
And I know you
You can take it all
When I call
Pick up the phone
Like you used to It's all a blur
Like a picture It's all a blur You're just a blur
Trying dying so hard
I've been Dening that I'm not scarred
I've been Crying I am so far
But it's impossible to fill this space
Impossible to take your place
Impossible to watch you fade away

help

2006-07-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

i don't think i can do this, i really don't think i can. i don't think i should do this. unfortunatly, i said i would do this. it's one of those things where it seems beyond me. i don't think u left enough of me to be capable of dealing with this....and yet here we r. some1 said it was always in me to be great, is this was she meant?like i'll step it up inspite of myself? tomorrow's gonna come, sunday too, and i'm gonna go despite controversy, i said would. u try saying no to that! how have we come to this? u forced me to leave u, i never wanted to be reunited in such circumstances. this weekend's gonna suck. on the plus side my airconditoning is fixed. too bad the rest of the car isn't.

"i'm not ready for some burned down bridge just yet. don't worry i'll catch u, u were my sweetest downfall."

"sunny day"

2006-07-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

so when r u nice to the extent of being a pushover?? what's the line there?? i'm pretty sure it's been crossed. i'm not one to toy with. a lot of stuff has been going on lately. lets see here.

last week. i think it was last week. i went to summerfest, i still dunno y. i've only said how much i hate summerfest a million times. then again the dresden dolls can be very persuading. and the fact i had made plans with my new punk friend. i finally found a girl who's a punk and loves music and shows as much as i do!! i have to say even tho i couldn't see a thing, amanda didn't miss a note! amazing truly, even if she didn't play my fav song.

i just started ripping on the "fans" at summerfest. example, 2 kids on a table sam (friend) goes to stand on the table to look for jason (friend who we kinda lost) " u can't stand there we've been saving this since 2! get off!" says tweedle dumb and dumber. emily (cool punk chick) explains he's just looking for her husband. now these two guys were dressed identical (seemed to be the theme of the nite, dress the same as some1 else) so i chime in "yeah bobsy twins, y don't u just chill and go solve a mystery or something". there is no comeback to that. they're quiet. we find jason.

do u ever have ppl just open up to u?? it keeps happening and i'm not sure y. do i look trustworthy?? i don't mind at all, i like it, and i love that ppl actually want me to listen or help. just kinda weird.

things r going as planned for aux. i just gotta get rid of my car soon. it keeps breaking. actually i outta go get ready for service now. take care all!

random grad pix

2006-07-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

u ever have a song that sings just to u?

2006-07-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

Quiet now, your voice seems miles away
It’s somehow I hear your song resound
A little bit softer each day
And from my tired heart, a little bit farther away
I’ll sing along
The whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do
You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that flow
You have my attention
Like a shout through an empty sanctuary
Speak but a whisper
I’ll hear a sermon
I’ll sing along, the whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do
I’ll sing along, the whole night through
While you sleep safely
I’ll be thinking about you
You have my attention

i relate to this band far too well.

tell all ur friends

2006-07-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

outta sight outta mind. or so it seems. it's a bit of a challenge to stay involved in everyones lives. it sux. unless of course ur trying to push me out, then just say so and save me the agony of trying to be where i'm not wanted. i was chatting with a person bringing out some click issues i've been seeing and suggested widening out more, becuz it's really a wonderful thing. somehow it got brought out that wideing out can mean leaving ur old friends or some crap like that. or maybe that was just meant towards me. i dunno, i never got it clarified. is that the case? it's not my intention at all, i hate leaving old friends behind (although sadly sometimes u have to)...do my actions show that tho? thought provoking. i tend to not be around a lot, or not see those i really want to enough, i'm terribly sorry. i'll work on that. it's kinda hard to be everywhere at once tho. it goes both ways tho, ppl don't see me and i become non- existant, am i not anything to u unless i'm with u? messed up.

taking back sunday. i'm speechless....mainly cuz i kinda lost my voice a lil from screaming along. it was sooooooooo hot...in both meanings of the word. we danced for the subways, i love their accents!! it was a blast. head automica was ok, the acoustics weren't really to their advantage. angels and airwaves, i'll bring u up to date realy quick with this band. u know blink 182?? dumb question of course u do, everyone does. well this is tom delonge's (singer from blink) new band, he recruited members from i believe boxcar racer and the distillers as well to make something gr8. u expect something special from such well known musicians, they didn't disapoint. there was something in the air when they played. honestly. i moved and could feel static electricty or something everywhere, it was so weird. tbs, wow. i had no idea how gr8 they would be...again. i think having jen there to scream along with me to everything made it that much better, thanx buddie.

well i'm off to catch up on some reading, possibly catch up on mixing some cd's i've promised for ppl, and then well, who knows. it's so gr8 to just sit back and not have anything planned sometimes. i hope it storms. take care all.

i can't believe that actually worked.

2006-06-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

thanx j-man! granted i had to run around the house and then climb a closet, totally worth it.

the ballad - millencolin

2006-06-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

i've done it!! i'm not sure how but it's happened, i can now function semi normally on 5 or so hours of sleep a nite. HA! and u said it couldn't be done. i showed u! oh and guess what else! the evil lil bug that has been biting me every nite for the past week or so, yeah thats gone! i'm so lazy. i think there was a spider living in my sheets (scray, gross, i know) becuz every morning i would wake up with a new bite, and every morning i would tell myself after work i'd wash my sheets to be rid of the lil bugger. then everyday after work i'd tell myself "self, ur tired. maybe it went away and u don't have to do anything". then every morning i'd wake up with a new bite. this went on for about a week. finally i woke with the most annoying lil bite on my pinky toe, that was the last straw. i broke down and washed em and have been bite free! heck yeah!

so remember how i'm cutting back on shows?? yeah i have two this weekend...wait! lemme explain myself, i totally rationalized this to make it ok! tbs, angels and airwaves, head automica, and the subways, my reason for this...i've had the tix for about 2 months now, way b4 i decided to cut back. then sunday is hopefully (assuming my ppl don't back out on me here) going to be the one and only pete yorn. i really don't care about the tbs show right now, i'm all about the pete show, an intimate acoustic set at my fav place to catch concerts, oh, 18 and over so no teeny boppers...not that any would know who he is. my rationalization on this one...*sigh* i'm not going to go to chicago's warped tour... : ( i promised my friend i'd kinda help her out that weekend and so i'm gonna stick to that. she owes me sooooooooo bad : P j/k

james and jamin are totally loaded now....so fav lil bro, how bout that josh ritter cd??? *hint hint*

i came home from the meeting feeling a bit down yesterday, and actually didn't have anything planned to do l8er (shocking!). i kinda wanted to leave town...u can't blame me on that one. so i went to fond du lac (funny name, we know!) to hang with my cool guys there. just what i needed! well actually i recieved more awful news while i was there, two ridiculously awesome friends of mine were just df'd up there. u know, like the last ppl u'd ever expect. that was a heart breaking shock. so that makes 6 ppl df'd in the past 4 weeks. 4 from my hall. ouch. our service meeting is actually cancelled thurs for a special part on staying loyal to jehovah, i think it's gonna benifit a lot of ppl. i'm pretty sure i'm bringing about a dozen extra friends to it. whoa, can u say side tracked?? i was talking bout fond du lac. well, it rocked! i can't wait to go back. those guys rock, gr8 listeners and just crazy cool. i need to get up to ripon tho, make sure everyones doing ok. jesse!! don' worry buddie! we'll come up there asap!! well i'm off to munch, then possibly milwaukee. oh g2g listen to bouncing souls on jamin's new stereo, psh, lucky!!

this is the soundtrack of my life

2006-06-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

"lean on sheena, she leans on me a lot. hold on, hold on. hold on to what u've got."

i can't believe i missed that with her. so quote nofx "when did punk rock become so safe?" ridiculous. warped is on the decline. there were some wonderful moments yes, but compared to say 2 years ago or so, its really slipped. so yeah saturday was warped tour in milwaukee, biggest punk show of the year, of course i'm gonna be there....even if we r 2 hours l8.

ok heres how it went down. sat morning jamin, kyle, and i r supposed to meet up at lukes house at 8...a.m. to help an older brother move. well i haven't really been sleeping and i was out a bit l8 the night b4 so i just couldn't get up. so jamin and kyle went. i was to meet up with every1 l8er. so i'm on my way to meet up with every1 (after some much needed couple extra hours of sleep) and i get a call telling me to go to krustins (dustin + kristi= krustin, they rok) i was very confused becuz every1 else was not meetin up there and krustin wasn't going. turns out i had to go pick up my ex's new girl. now u'd think that'd be a bit akward. it was. haha ok no not really, she's just not one to really talk, 2 me at least, and we don't have much in common at all so i just made pointless chit chat, i hate doing that.

ok fast forward, we now have all officially met up at lukes place and r ready to rok out. we all jump in lukes car (somehow i always get crammed in the back seat with big ppl, well not big ppl, but bigger then me ppl. man that stinks on the way back....LITERALLY) so we r off on a crazy round about way to the lakeshore becuz there is construction everywhere. finally we make it and can't find parking, accidentally end up back on the freeway and suddenly realize the worst possible thing has happened...WE FORGOT THE TICKETS!! NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
so we have to go back and get em. lukes dad is cool enough to meet us halfway with the tix, too bad we got lost in milwaukee on the way to get em, stupid construction! we finally make it there. so find we missed bouncing souls. honestly i don't think u know how tragic this is. that was pretty much the purpose in going. so now we r off to chicagos warped tour in july, and we will not miss them!

oh, did i mention jamin went as waldo?? from where's waldo?? he got more attention then the bands, haha! i can't tell u how many times i heard "I FOUND WALDO!!". it was brilliant actually to go as that, whenever we lost him i'd just ask "has anyone seen waldo??" makes things a bit easier. ok so who did i see?? mcs, great as usual, this time the crowd actually got going for them. less than jake was soooooooo great!! they just kept playing!! we got a skank circle going and then the biggest circle ever, it was like running around a football field! AWESOME!! they sang soundtrack of my life and while dancing i was thinking how gr8 that really is, and thought of possibly starting to mkae on for my life thus far. i voted for kudos was after that, always a good show. then some crazy irish punk band (not flogging molly...thats in a couple weeks). ummm kyle and i went on stage with hellogoodbye, its sooooo cool to see the crowd from the bands perspective. nofx closed it...."well milwaukee, ur better than ohio"...umm...thanx??

ok enough with that i know it sounds like my life revolves around music and thats not the impression i want to give, it just tends to be what i post about. i'm actually trying to cut back, i've seen too many young ppl get pulled into the world by being too into the music scene, i don't want that to be me. no matter how much u love shows and music its not worth it. its just definatly one of my weaknesses so uh, help me to cut back. i'm hungry. my goal yesterday was to relax. i failed miserably. u don't understand how sore i am, my calves neck and back mostly. they hurt sooo bad. i wanted to pretty much not move yesterday, that didn't work. went to my bros meeting...never quite feel welcome there, then went out to lunch with ppl. it took forever, soooooo slow, but good. came back home to shoot pool with ppl. i saw the comics and went to my room to read em quick, yeah i fell asleep. woke up and every1 was gone. oops. then kyle and i went to visit lauren to get some custard. she somehow managed to bribe her manager to get outta work and came home with us, lol. nice. we hung for a bit and kyle had to head back up to the u.p. lauren and i went to rent a move. man we r awful at that, anyone who knows me knows i'm soooooooooo indecisve, when it comes to lil things like that at least. we ended up with beverly hills ninja. came back to find my new quests had arrived...loaded on sugar, i hate hyperactive ppl when i'm dead tired and trying really hard to do nothing! wow, i don't suppose u need to hear my whole life story.

ok one more thing. i started to put my plan into action. my goal, regular aux. by sept. my plan, simplify, work less, get a different car, older so as to not have a car payment and be able to save more cash to move. work less. i talked to my boss today about my working 4 10 hour days a week so as to have mondays off for service. i told him my bro just graduated and would be interested in working there for that day i'm not there. he then asked if i would train him...ummmm sure. and asked y i wanted that day off what i'd be doing. so i told him. he asked if we ever got into arguments wit ppl and if my ents where witnesses and if i like being a witness. my boss isn't a huge fan, his sis was a witness and got df'ed i guess so it was a bit akward. he knows y i want that day off and that this is very important to me. and if he says no, he's gonna find out just how determined i am. i find out tomorrow, i've been praying like mad, i'm not sure what my next move will be IF he says no. do i threaten to quit?? do i accept it and try again later?? this is going to work.

content

2006-06-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

i suppose i ought to be packing about now....but i'm not. i don't want to return yet, so i'm just not. see how simple things can be?? don't wanna do it? don't. i'll deal with the consequences later should there be any...unlikely. i could write a million lil crazy stories right now but instead i'm going to go and dwell in my perfect contentment. i'll see u all around...sometime.

"does anyone else see that gorilla??"

2006-06-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

SKA!!!!! man there's nothing better than a fantastic ska show. where else can u skank with gorillas, kill an evil mutated giant rabit with love, watch a super battle between the beloved aquabats and a hideously large lobster man, give high fives to everyone u see, and dance around until u fall on whoever is next to u?? i love ska! so in case u didn't figure it out last night atom, leah, taco, luke, jamin (jelly), and i went to chicago to see the aquabats. i didn't really know much of there music but i am always up for a ska show, oh man what a show!!! it was about halfway thru the aquabats set when a gorilla appeared next to me in the crowd, now by this time ur really hot and gross and dehydrated so i seriously thought i was hullucinating. so i asked everyone around me "does anyone else see that gorilla???" thankfully ppl did so knowing it really did exist,naturally i skanked with it....to clarify skanking is a type of dance u do at ska shows...don't want anyone to get the wrong impression here. i could say a lot more but i'm far too tired and late for a pool party. maybe i'll bail and just take a nap in my hammock which is hung way too high. TOTALLY SWEET!!

oh right i told the lil story but didn't post the pix, haha!

2006-05-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

ok see the river one?? well i woke up sunday morning and looked out the window. "hey charise, was the river over there always that high?" "what river?? r u serious??" oh, and of course the actual convention!

ok i'll stop now cuz jamin needs pix to post as well.

2006-05-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

tra la la la lack of sleep

...

2006-05-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

....and then some

2006-05-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

yeah they keep coming

2006-05-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

umm.....yeah

district convention g.b.

2006-05-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure i'm one of the 1st to have attended this convention (among those who actually look at this blog that is), i cannot put into words how amazing, timely and eye opening this was. so, here r some pics from before, after, and during the convention. enjoy! oh theres a lot of josh becuz he's going to bethel on wed so we had to say good bye : (. so happy for him tho!! and the t.v. shots. well saturday night the one night we decided to try and actually get some sleep i got woken up at about 1:30 to my friend saying she thinks there's a tornado....we could hear the siren. so i jumped outta bed and found every1 else in the apartment and woke em up. we headed downstairs (no basement : / ) until the warning expired. it was still crazy bad storms after tho and the threat of another 1 so we didn't really sleep well, rather watched the weather for a bit. i could tell u sooooooo much more but i don't wanna spoil it for anyone. make sure u r there for all three days and pay super close attention!! until then enjoy the pix!

now this smile has a bitter curve, and now these eyes r unenchanted

2006-05-22T19:58:00.000-07:00

who says punk can't write meaningful lyrics?? hey jamin something like so?? actually it looked way better in person i'm just not photogenic in the least. so as usual i should be sleeping right now. i can't find sleep. i've been averaging 5 hours a night the past couple weeks. in my mind i'm thining i can just train myself to get used to that amount of sleep. man i'm stupid. its just not working for me. my friend of mine pointed out the fact that i am a bum, and as such i need at least a solid 13 hours of sleep or so. haha.

the weekend wasn't too shabby. shabby is my new word. it rhymes with abby. so ppl ask me "how's abby?" and and i say "not too shabby" its my clever lil thing i say.....can u tell this lack of sleep is catching up yet?? haha actually probably not, the sad part is most of the time i'm normally like this. back to my weekend. friday i played volleyball...managed to cut open my ankle in the same akward area the the previous week (remind me to stop sliding and diving all over the tile gym floor) and had a well...we'll say "interesting" smoothie.

theres been far too much drama. go figure. drama, cuz u know i as well as most of the world never deal with it *sarcasm*. i've been terribly worried, i really ought to stop that. take some of my own advice. worrying does u no good unless it moves u to action to try and fix the reason ur worrying. unfortunatly i can't do anything right now, i'm helpless. so i'm trying hard to just not sweat it until the time comes to sweat it. kinda hard, my stomach burns and i don't sleep. but things will be swell soon. that or i'm gonna run away and never come back.....hopefully the swell soon thing will happen.

sunday was awesome. i love ripon!! my friend josh is going off to bethel so there was a going away party for him. every1 up there is so awesome. haha imagine like 30 ppl casually marching thru the streets following 2 guys with guitars to a park. such good times. my new friend melissa aka mo and i tried to dismantle the playground a bit (to make it less restrictive and more fun) but josh made us stop. and there was football!!!......which i didn't play. : ( heartbreaking. my hand had been hit by a baseball earlier so it was kinda useless at the moment, no good for football, i still have an imprint of the stitching of the baseball in my right palm, i'm beginning to wonder if it will ever leave me. there was a minor fight between spencer atom and i and somehow i accidentally ended up elbowing josh in the stomach pretty bad...i thought he was atom!! oops. anyways a jolly good time but i really must try and find some sleep. and as for the rest of u sleep deprived ppl reading this far past ur bedtime, get some sleep, u most likely deserve it.

my fellow abby rox!!

2006-05-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.htrnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060511/MAN04/605110626/1398/MANlife

this is my fellow abby, she lives up north and is ever so sweet (any one catch that? early november?? no?? ok moving on.) well she wrote a book, and well, just check out the aticle.

the epidemic we refer to as "emo"

2006-05-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

going out and about its become more and more apparent to me, i can no longer defend or even ignore this awful modern trend. thats all it is really. some stupid trend, its this day and ages version of the teenie bopper. disgusting. of course i'm talking about the "emo" trend. i spent much time defending this. now looking around it's not what it used to be, what it should be.
emo is short for emotional. emotional music actually. now heres where things got messed up, according to the world of emo the only emotions r dark, gruesome, lonely, depressive ones. hey guys!step outta ur dark gluminess and check this out, there r good emotions too! like oh i dunno, have u ever heard of this thing...love?? joy?? weirdos. if u look around all music is pretty much emotional, or is inspired of the various emotions the writers feel. there is some exceptions, such as rap and r and b, which is purely hormonal. yeah i said it.
somewhere the message got lost and is now just some stupid image, its not about the music, its about the look, the new prep, all about the clothes, the image. pathetic. ok u attention deprived souls out there trying to be oh so non-conformist. when everybody tries to be different by doing the same thing.... well, ur not so different. heres to u.

Admit it
Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance
That vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs You know nothing about art
That you couldn’t read in any trendy New York underground fashion magazine
Prototypical non-conformist
You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store Gestapo
You adhere to a set of standards and tastes That appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges
Giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art
Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern
You’re diving face forward into an antiquated path
It’s disgusting, its offensive don’t stick your nose up at me
You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends
Pontificating to each other forever competing for that one moment of self aggrandizing glory
in which you hog the intellectual spotlight
Holding dominion over the entire shallow pointless conversation
You are a faker (admit it)
You are a fraud (admit it)
Yeah, you’re living a lie living a lie your life is living a lie You don’t impress me!You don’t intimidate me!

so thats that. i feel better. haha. yeah i'm still gonna wear my belt off to the side. i'm still gonna sport the aviators and chucks. but thats just me. my image, don't associate me with this trend, its gonna end, always does.

sometimes i dont mind

2006-05-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

if anybody knows that song (title of post) u r the coolest ppl ever. so jamin just picked up the new bouncing souls cd yesterday, i'm listening to it now, not too shabby but i doubt they'll ever top hopeless romantic.can't wait for warped tour!! they r there! WOOOO!!! my mom has made my fav dessert ever and its sitting in our fridge as we speak..or as i type..no no, as u read perhaps, i dunno. anyways its there right now may 2nd at about 6 pm. and i can't have any!! : ( its "treatnight" tonite at my entz bookstudy so its for that. well y don't u just wait till after the bookstudy u may ask. the answer my dear friends and random ppl who have nothing better to do then read blogs is i don't go to that bookstudy, or congregation for that matter! long story. so by the time i get back it may all be gone! AH!! on the plus side my cousin is coming tonite and perhaps my other. they aren't exactly witnesses anymore so its ooberly cool that they come! yay! ok, have u noticed by now i really don't have anything to say and i'm just rambling about nothingness?? or that i have something to say and just refuse to say it. either or ur pick. i'll end this nonsense with a question. if u could be anywhere right now, where? y? later u crazy people u!

punks and preps, natural born enemies

2006-04-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

anything that involves straylight runs turns out fantastic. thursday night my bro and i headed up to fon du lac (funny name stupid place) for a concert. hellogoodbye, straylight run, and motion city soundtrack. we headed up without tickets (we were told we could get em at the door) to a show that we weren't quite sure how to get to. i made jamin drive there so i could sleep, cuz well, i needed sleep. only problem was that everytime i'd start to get comfortable and drift off we'd hit a bump and the stupid glove compartment would fall open and hit my legs and then i'd jump up wide awake. stupid jetta. anyways, our friend spencer from sturgeon bay (way up north) was meeting us there. and naturally we were kinda late so he beat us there and called with the news that we couldn't get tix at the door. crap man!
we were like 15 minutes away at that point so there was no way we were turning back. plan b: start looking for scalpers. so we find the place and meet up with spencer and start our search for scalpers. there were cops and security everywhere so this proved to be very hard to do (mainly becuz i'm not so sure its entirely legal). we found one drunken guy who said he'd give us some for $100 each. so i'm like "screw u" and we continue on. our search revealed spoiled preppy brats everywhere, when we asked if anyone had extra tix they would say no and rub it in that they would get in and we wouldn't. we did this for about an hour. we met up with some other friends who did have tix and hung out until it was time for them to go in....and us to not. haha! jamin tried to conga line his way in saying "i don't have a ticket! i don't have a ticket!" believe it or not it didn't work. so we just waited and watched all these stupid college brats walk in. oh yeah, this was mtvu's college tour, gross i know, but these bands r too good to pass up. when we heard hellogoodbye start it actually hurt, knowing we weren't in there and having met some of the jerks who were. most of them didn't even know the bands they just got free tix for going to that stupid college.
plan c: rush the security or sneak in. so we decided to take another lap around the gym and scout out the security and look for doors that weren't locked. we found one door but didn't know if security was right by it so we kept looking. the door to back stage was wide open and u could see everything from behind and hear things perfect. so we stood off and watched through there for a bit from aways away. then jamin and spencer got the bright idea to go and wave at the tours buses to see if any of the bands were in there and could get us in. i stayed and watched hellogoodbye play from afar. they waved for a couple minutes and the guys in the bus just closed the blinds on them, lol. so they came back. by that time i had decided i was gonna talk to one of the "rent a cops" and see if he could get us in. so i go to talk to this guy and he has a lazy eye...or two lazy eyes, i couldn't tell they were soooooo crazy! so i start swaying a lil while talking becuz i'm never sure when he actually can see me. he said he couldn't let us in backtsage but we could chill right by the door and probably meet all the bands becuz they all went in and out of that door. SCORE!!!
so we ended up being like 20 feet from the stage and saw everything on stage and behind the scenes. th security there rocked! they kept asking us how we liked the show and giving high fives, not at all concerned that we were hanging out were ppl weren't supposed to be, haha! great! hellogoodbye ended and started coming out by us with their gear and what not. so there we were standing in the middle of hellogoodbye and all their stuff! who needs tickets?! HA! stupid college kids take that!! we actually got to be roadies and helped them load the trailer and everything, that was soooooooooo cool! if u ever have seen them, i got to load up the raft and banana suites!! oh too great! then chris the drummer hung out with us for awhile and i have it all set up to fufill one of my life long dreams at warped tour! thanx chris!!
next was straylight run. best live band ever. they played everything i wanted them to and even added a cello. hott! by this time of the security gaurds had offered us free tix to get in for the show, and we had seriously considered turning him down becuz we were having such a blast! i said yes finally becuz i wanted to go in and buy some merch. and then headed right back out for the rest of the show. the dude saved us each $25! told u the security guys rocked there! straylight run was absolutely amazing. too bad the crowd was sooooooooooo awful, they did nothing for any of the bands. losers. so when we met them we apologized for how lame the crowd was, michelle (girl from straylight run who i've wanted to meet ever since i knew they existed) said that was typical of college tours. poor bands!! to have to go out there give it ur all and get nothing but some off beat clapping and drunken college kids shouting crap. so we chatted for awhile with michelle and john. they were sooooooo nice. we apologized for jamin and spencer scaring them earlier with the waving. haha they thought it was funny when they knew it was some super crazy ppl. man this is a ridiculously long post and if ur not into music like me u prob won't appreciate it the same. sorry if i bored u, i'll end it here. theres more to th story but this is soooooo l ong haha u can ask me sometime if u want. "sing me something soft, sad and delicate, loud and outta key, sing me anything"

hands in the sky big shot

2006-04-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

so i think the time is almost upon us. it's been just over a year but u can only take so much. i'm referring to my car of course. i've giving it soooo many chances too, but it HATES me. i'm not paranoid or crazy here, it really does. i've taken a lot of crap from that piece of crap. for instance when i was on my way to visit a friend way up north and my window fell into the door and refused to come back up....it ruined my weekend.i had to go home, along the way it rained...a lot. or when i was on my way to a concert and whoa! guess what! same window fell into the door again! i had to put everything in my car into my trunk so no one would steal stuff...mind u i have around 100 cds in my car at all times...into the trunk they went. and lets not forget that terribly cold rainy day when i went thru a puddle (as u can't really avoid on rainy days) and my car broke down in the left turn lane of a busy intersection. i was in the freezing cold for 4 hours. hey how bout when my tire got a hole and i had to stop and fill it at like every other gas station i saw and when i got it fixed the friggin wheel bearing went! theres the constant adding of coolant...my car threatens to overheat on me at least once a month. and then theres fred, fred visits way too often! and usually for no reason aside from getting me all worried like "great whats wrong with this thing now???". and the latest series of events. i had a headlight burnt out, w/e right? i got it fixed. two days later i get up to go to work i turn on my car and theres a bright blue flash....other headlight went out. grrrrrr. totally got me pulled over tuesday nite after the bookstudy. it was so pathetic becuz i saw the cop there earlier and made a note to go home a different way. the guy still saw me and pulled me over!! so i have 15 day to get it fixed (just did that) and go have a stupid cop look at it sign something and mail it in (didn't do that yet). so i was on my way to go and get it fixed after work today i reach to open my glove compartment and the handle breaks off in my hand!!! AHHHH!!! this abby/jetta relationship is so over! and that doesn't even include the countless times my steering wheel has locked up and the alarm went off while i was either in my car or tryin to get in. and my back shox or pretty much shot. ok, i feel better getting that all out, i'm gonna go kick the jetta a bit and get the rest of my frustration out. take care all, avoid all vw's!!!

red eyes on orange horizons

2006-04-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

"Change if you want, but don't you go and change for me I can love you as you are I didn't mean to make you want to leave." "You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be".
so this past week i've messed up a lot. car wars have gone too far and as a result theres much anger. i hope we can all get over that, we r so stupid. i am so stupid. found out last nite another friend of mine is being df'd. i sure can pick em hey? but the most troubling and what i'm losing the most sleep over is all becuz of some stupid ill thought out comment i made on a past post. blogs r the devil. well, that and i just suck sometimes.
is it possible to take something back? like really is it? i meant what i said, not all of it, and not how its being taking. i'm on the verge of hating myself for knowing how much pain i've caused. i know becuz i can feel it too. and i know u. and somehow i forgot the fact that u know me too. sometimes better then i know myself. u know i changed. and for the better too. that doesn't make anyone else any less of a person. and despite my stupid death cab quote it doesn't change the fact i'll love u always and forever. i was on a stupid rampage of random thoughts. and it came out so wrong, and some of it just not true. come on, rollins, reciting the poetry with the cape all into it, and then u look back and ur like "what the crap?? man that sux!! it makes no sense" i had a rollins moment. u know what i mean. i was never meant to hurt....well occasionally at sports or various concerts...but not like this.
" sometimes they break u". not intentionally, never intentionally. i went off on that line remember? u still have it stashed in a book full of ur poetry somewhere. my point is....and i think i have a point, i might just be rambling with my grief, don't let my ill thought out stupid sentences break u. or me for that matter. my words hurt too many sometimes. i'll leave u with this, i said it once i'll say it again, u r a huge part of me, and who i am. and no matter who i become, i will always love who u r.

more of the below

2006-04-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

You said it was always in me to be great

2006-04-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

guess i kinda blew that. as is to be expected ppl mess up all the time. but not to the point where i cuz anyone i care for even the slightest dismay. and i am so sorry for that. i'd write more but the majority won't have a clue as to what i'm talking about. so instead i'll leave u with messed up pix from last nite. we went ice skating (my first time ever and i didn't fall! rock on me!!) and then hung out at dairy queen for seriously at least 3 hours, lol. soooo much fun tho. and after that we went to chris and sarahs to do random stupid things. along the way my windshield wiper broke.it was kind of vertical and making awful awful sounds. so my wonderful brother grabs my scraper (for snow and ice in winter) rolls down the window and starts to brush away the rain, man it made it so much worse!! so then he trys scarping it away, haha keep in mind this is all while i'm trying to follow chris and sarah back to their place. well we got there and he fixed it!!....until we were driving back home and it broke on the freeway. my car, it hates me. freds back. i named my check engine light fred. that way when it goes on...which is more then it should i can get excited becuz freds back!! so i'll be chilling with fred for awhile. "never said a thing to hurt youit's what I didn't say that made you cryand in all honestyI never would have deserted youI never dreamt that you would say goodbye"

"peace in a piece of everything"

2006-03-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

i love my friends. i find it interesting how deeds or acts done in th past can still affect ur present. take the pic, it was made for me two years ago. i still love it and it still helps. thanx.

my life's become a boring pop song and everyones singing along

2006-03-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

friday morning i'm at work. i walk in and i'm like "ohh thats funny lori and jennifer match with their green sweaters." i look around "wow, sure r a lotta ppl wearing green today" then is dawns on me. st. patricks day. duh! then i look down at myself....to my horror i see i'm wearing a bright green shirt and green chucks to match. "OH CRAP!!!" immediatly ppl point out my green and i explain to them that i am in fact an idiot and forgot and that this was totally not intentional. i was gonna meet a friend for lunch that day so i was just gonna make her switch shirt and shoes with me, haha. unfortunatly my friends r sometimes very lame and undependable...and i mean that in the nicest possible way....well she over slept and therefore never made it to lunch. i felt better in the afternoon tho becuz a co-worker made the point that just the fact i wore green not on purpose goes to show how completely oblivious i was as to the holiday and that i really don't care and i was too cool anyways. haha not kidding, someone called me cool! HA!

friday nite i had some ppl over, thankfully i put an end to the rumor there was a big party at my house before i had tons of ppl showing up. yeah i go up north last weekend and i come back to this rumor that theres a big party going on at my house! some ppl i tell ya! just crazy. lets see, we ate, we shot pool ping pong, broke some of the ceiling and did a wonderful cover of free falling... FREE WILLIE!! haha good times.

saturday wasn't too shabby. went out in service...cold. then came home and napped! it was magnificent! i awoke to a phone call from a friend around 3:30 seeing about dinner later and asked if i wanted a ride. haha this is kinda boring isn't it? terrible sorry i just woke up. i came home and the power was out, so i'm like well i'll go to the dr and see if my thumbs broken and when i come back we'll prob have power again. i came back and we soooooooooooooooooo didn't. darn. so i fell alseep cuz there was nothing to do and it was getting really cold, cuz well the power goes out and we lose heat, so i woke up not too long ago and i'm in abit of a daze.

so there was a beach party on sunday. what a wonderful idea! really! the lakefront in march in wi. my friends r brilliant. i was fun, but kinda not so cool becuz i got sand in me shoes and we headed straight to a concert after that. so jamin spencer and i the most uncomfortable concert feet ever. oh man but it was sooooooooo worth it!! this show was great!! the academy is... panic, acceptance, hello goodbye. so we get into the place and we need to find our other friends. and the shows sold out so its pretty packed. but no worries, we have our ways. we walk in screaming "CHIPMUNK!!! CHIPMUNK!!!" and then pausing to hear the "CHIPMUNK" shouted back. we didn't hear it, but we got some pretty strange looks, psh like we aren't used to it. finally we get to the otherside and 5 of us at once scream CHIPMUNK!!!!!!! as loud as we can. seriously i think everyone in there stopped and looked at us, so i did the casual "oh don't mind us" and then we heard something. into the crowd we go and we find our ppl!! YAY! chipmunk never fails.

well i'd continue, but i don't want to. "just close ur eyes everything will be okay."

hold my hand through the thick and thicker

2006-03-13T16:43:00.000-08:00

sooooooooo how is everyone?? fantasic i'd expect, becuz u know, everything is wonderful for everyone all of the time. HA! what a load of crap hey? the harsh reality is that enough is never enough. allow me to explain myself. i learned so much this weekend on my vast travels of the crunkt up state of wisconsin....and a bit of michigan (when u want a milkshake u want a milkshake!! even if it means going to a different state to get it! haha) anyways i'm trying really hard to make the rounds and visit friends i have not seen in awhile...even if it means traveling close to 1000 miles in a single weekend. once i make a friend i intend to keep them, i don't wanna ever end up like " ohhh yeah so and so..we used to be tight, wonder what ever happened to them" or anything like that, so i try hard to keep in touch and be involved in my friends lives in one way or another. oh crap...not using "proper spacing"

yeah! there we go! so i visited with many friends i haven't seen in far too long, including some of my favorite ppl in the entire world. we all had some good times, but also discussed a lot of the bad thats been happening lately as well, in our lives, in the world, in general. and enough is never enough. u think u give enough, help enough, take enough crap, but u don't. it doesn't end, not in this system of things at least. u have to realize that and accept it and make up ur mind that ur still gonna do what u can, even though it'll never be enough. am i making any sense to anyone? once a friend always a friend, through thick and thicker. just keep giving, it won't be enough, but it will suffice.

......y does no one in my house ever answer the phone??

things r gonna look up. i'm gonna make them. work is so frusterating right now, crazy lady quit and lazy dentist's son got fired. which means everyones at there wits ends and i seem to be taking the brunt of it, NOT appreciated. i'm learning a complete new job, and yeah i'm gonna mess up, its a learning process, but lately if i do anything wrong ppl freak out bad on me, it kinda wears u down. and then there's evil boss lady who i'm convinced wants me to fail. i'm gonna hang in there just to spite her.....and to learn more so i can get a job at a different lab...perhaps futher south. just been kinda rough, a bit stressed, which is odd really, becuz i don't stress easily, i usually choose to ignore it. thats become a tad tougher to do when things just keep piling up for u to worry about. meh w/e. things get better, i'll make them better, and i will spite evil boss lady! muahahahaaa!!!!

oh! the pix! so i woke up one morning bright and early for work and i pull my shades up and whoa!! coolest sky ever!! sorry for the blur, i took the pic thru my window and so it kinda reflected i was gonna run outside and take more but when i got downstairs and opened the door it was gone! how weird!! and the other is me and my beloved sock monkey baxter! : ) take care all. "luv wut u b" -s.c.

imperfection is my perfection

2006-03-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

serious lack of sleep at the moment, but i guess thats to be expected. afterall, i gots sick and missed a weekend so i had a lot of fun to catch up on. friday nite tegan (thats right, i have my very own tegan!!! jealous??) and i went to hartford to hang out with a nice bunch of ppl i haven't seen in awhile, shot pool, air hockey, managed to play 6 people fooseball....at once, haha that got violent. that was fun tho. i now have a new nickname, the hustler. you'd be amazed what u'd learn about ppl if u just take the time to listen, or watch, just take the time. and if u can't take it, do urself a favor and make time for them.
saturday i was out in service for the morning, haha lets just say the watchtower article on patience could NOT have come at a better time. afterwards i went home and did lots of pointless things, but pointless things that had to get done. then i put on some soothing music wrapped up in my favorite blanket and took a nap.......well for a bout 5 minutes at least, then there was a knock at the door. word of advice, if ur in that situation, do NOT answer the door!!!...i answered the door. awaiting was a lovely family that used to go to my old hall. well, they were lovely until somehow i got stuck watching their 2 kids, 5 and 8. ok, i don't like children in particular that much, my problem, is they seem to all love and adore me, i don't think i'll ever understand y, maybe its becuz i usually act kinda childish. w/e. neways i ended up being bossed around by this minature like 5 year old girl for the next hour, the basement was trashed in less than 5 minutes....ugh. then thankfully my friend mojo showed up and we escaped to my room. killing time for the next hour or so, waiting for phil...aka conan to show up, and then mojo phil j-man and i were on our way to madison to catch a show. we met up with lil matt, lil matt rox!! we piled into his old school huge suburban and were off to see inara george, the rogue wave, and nada surf. i was in all my glory, this show was so fantstic!! do urself a favor and check out inara george, she was captivating on stage, amazing really. there were these guys in front of me pretty much critiquing her on and on and i'm finally like "dude seriously, take her for what she is, shut up and enjoy it. like u could come close to anything this original" i talked to her a bit, very nice girl, from l.a. she had a lot of quirks that reminded me of a friend of mine. overall the entire show was sooooo great, really. i feel kind of bad tho cuz no one that came with me really knew those bands or that type of music so they didn't appreciate it the same.
i'm so boring right now. i haven't much to actually speak, but a lot to say. i'm perfectly content with listening. sunday jamin luke and i went up north to see the ripon guys....and gals. was good, would've been better if i were more awake. jammed...ok, attempted to jam with jesse and spencer a bit, that was so much fun!! jesse's guitar is freaking hott!! umm...it snowed....woop de doo. ok, i'll end this, more then enough nothingness has been said. take care all. "i miss u more than u know, but i know time makes u move on"

falling for you to catch me

2006-03-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

waiting

Well maybe
It seems I've wasted every single opportunity
To get this right
And maybe
It's all because the inspiration that's inside of me
Has been denied
From all I want
And all I need tonight
So come with me
Just take my hand and I'll make sure to show you everything
We'll trace these lines
Of apathy
And self destruction to avoid responsibility
I'll bide my time
For all I want
And all I need
So I'm holding out
For a piece of good advice
To get me through this
To help me face another night
We'll set a course for the end of time
And maybe then I
Will finally get this whole thing right
Well maybe
It seems I've wasted every single opportunity
To get this right
And maybe
It's all because the inspiration that's inside of me
Has been denied
For all I want
And all I need
So I'm holding out
For a piece of good advice
To get me through this
To help me face another night
We'll set a course for the end of time
And maybe then I
Will finally get this whole thing right
It's all I want
It's all I need
It's all I want
It's all I need
So I'm holding out
For a piece of good advice
To get me through this
To help me face another night
We'll set a course for the end of time
And maybe then I
Will finally get this whole thing right
I'll get it right

anyone?? u know it??...without cheating??

and i'm sick of my sickness. don't touch me, you'll get this

2006-02-23T16:19:00.000-08:00

i love unwritten law!!! i'm kind of in a punk kick right now, really odd considering i got back from florida which i really wouldn't consider a punk state. i mean come on i go down there and the music of choice is bob dylan! haha j/k it was wonderful. anywayz i'm sick, sooooooo sick. i called into work today and left a message and it went like this "*cough cough cough* ugh, sorry. i'm sick. sooooo sick *cough cough* going to dr. see u later." "had a bad day, don't talk to me. gonna ride this out. my little black heart, breaks apart with your big mouth. you can't save me! you can't change me. well i'm waiting for my wake up call. and everything, everything's my fault." sorry, like a said i'm in a punk kick. we just got back from florida a couple days ago and i totally brought back a souvinor, the FLU!! they r so kind down there sharing such a wonderful experience as this! speaking of florida, jamin and i have reached an agreement. we refuse to go back to florida. thatz rite, i said it! no more!! that is of course until we get a visit up here by some of our beloved floridians!! so thats our dealio, u miss us, come up here first. wow we r sooooo evil! more details soon to follow. ona brighter note herez some random pix. we have classic owie...owen, my nephew. james and i. me sick, and james and jamin. enjoy.
"She leaves like she's never coming back again on and on... it goes on and on YEA She says "I don't love you like I loved you before" She says, she says "I don't love you anymore"

i want to hear what u have to say

2006-02-21T19:41:00.000-08:00

sometimes its ok to not be ok. i'm homesick for anywhere but home. i'm currently mixing what i hope to be one of my best cdz as to date. be a bit easier if i wasn't so tired, but i'm so like in the mood to create a masterpiece, so i am. "all that i needed to hear from u, something of value but something untrue." know it?

...don't mind us

2006-02-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

ok, ummm i think these pretty much explain themselvez. ok. i do leave u with a question tho. if u could only listen to 3 bandz for the rest of ur life, who would they be and y??

simple punkz with nothin better to do

2006-02-01T19:09:00.000-08:00

all i gotta say is fenimaz got NOTHIN on me!!!

hidden in plain view

2006-01-25T14:37:00.000-08:00

this past week or so has been filled with crazy happeninz. i'm hungry. hmmmm we'll fix that after this. newayz i've learned or re learned something, i sound repepetive but i dont care, itz important. never take ur friendz/loved onez forgranted. i've learned how terrib;y fragile we all r, u r NOT invincible, tomorrow could be ur last day alive time and unforseen occurancez dudez. not to scare u, but to put thingz into perspective. whatz important in ur life rite now?? what do u want to be important in ur life?? focus on what u want to be important. alwayz stop to appreciate the lil thingz....they're all some ppl have. i'm just a jumble of random thoughtz rite now and they r beginnin to spew forth thru this very random post, bear with me here. i love my friendz, even when i can't stand em i love em. i h8 how it usually takez something tragic or dramatic or something of the sort to bring this back to light for ppl. i'm not gonna wait for the next ocurance of something awful to be reminded again of what really matterz now. ok i'm gonna take care of this hungry thing i'm feelin rite now. take care, of urselvez and otherz. "livin by the hour i stop for every flower. everything is soft and slow."

"may angels lead you in hear you me my friend"

2006-01-16T15:48:00.000-08:00

"the house is still at midnight, by one we'll be a wreck
alcohol and bandages will soon follow this mess
sleeping's overrated, we lie awake and cry
if this is love then kill me now and save me from my life

the house is dead by morning, as good as new again
the morning after funeral is coming to it's end
smile's aren't too temping and hopes as good as lies
memories are pain that lost their meaning over time

just close your eyes, everything will be okay
just close your eyes, everything will be okay
just close your eyes, everything will be okay
(just sleep, we never asked for this)
just close your eyes, just close your eyes"

we'll miss u buddie, all i gotta say is "sorry about ur toilet!!"

whatever happened to the rock n roll in ur eyez?

2006-01-13T15:45:00.000-08:00

so whatz new? nothin really. but at the same time way too much. i've been doing this thing where i'm thinkin far too much, about friendz, past,now,future, just too much. trapt in my own thoughtz! yikez! i'm feeling very stressed rite now and i don't like it. normally i'm not one to freak out easily....u'll find ur stronger then u know when ur finally put the the test...newayz, my job of all thingz has been stressing me out, i'm kinda doing the jobz of three ppl at once rite now and i'm terribly underpaid for it too. not to say i'm all about money, becuz i'm not, itz the devil, but itz frusteratin knowin i'm gettin totally ripped off for how hard i'm workin. oh well it'll pass, and if it doesn't i'll blow up the lab....or talk to my boss what ever one seemz to suit my mood at the time.
wed. nite a brother from my parentz cong. came over for dinner, it was pleasant but so depressing at the same time. when i was with the same hall as my entz....yearz ago i mean, this brother and his wife were awesome! they totally took my older bro jesse basically under there wingz and encouraged him hardcore and me too a bit. i'm convinced they r a major factor as to him doin so well in the truth rite now. sadly this broz wife had cancer and passed away a few yearz ago. it was kind of crushing. the last time i saw this bro was at her funeral, and i hadn't seen him since. it just kinda broke my heart to see him without her. i've been thinkin far too much.
i've been havin this issue of not being satisfied where i am and taking too much forgranted, at least i'm seeing this so now i can work on fixin it. do u ever have those momentz where u say to urself "self, therez no place in the world i'd rather be then rite here, rite now" ? i do. but never here. itz disapointin. i need to get back to where i do say that. i know i sound just like everyone else rite now, wah wah wah blah blah blah poor me i h8 it here i can't wait to get out boo hoo hoo. there is more to it then that, i'm not just one of everyone. ur just gonna have to take my word on it.
this weekend i'm tryin to accomplish a lot of good, there r some friendz who r goin thru some tougher timez...we'll try and make them easier timez. a friend of mine is terribly sick, terminal actually, gonna visit that person. do urselvez a favor, NEVER take ur friendz forgranted, be thankful for the timez u've had together and anticipate those u'll have in the future, alwayz try to make some1z day a little bit brighter...even if ur day sux, keep ur promisez, and stop sometime to appreciate the little thingz. well i was supposed to be nappin...i've been a bit exhausted, oh well. "buck up baby, u'll be fine". thanx ra ca

there will be much love today, i shall count the number of hugz i recieve

2006-01-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

today is the joinin of two incredibly crazy ppl. bum 13 is gettin married!!! whoa! yeah i know! crunkt up! THE chris butt!! newayz i've gotta be headin on out to that. jamin went last nite to the rehearsal, he got lost. now he has to follow me home tonite. loser. haha j/k. newayz i'm off!!

2005-12-27T15:07:00.000-08:00

i'm just a happy kid, stuck with the heart of a sad punk.

2005-12-27T14:22:00.000-08:00

this is whatz goin on rite now. this past weekend...wait. lemme explain the pix 1st haha. ok. well jamin and i thoroughly enjoy takin stupid pix. thatz what two of those r. another 1 is where i tried to be jamin for a lil bit....cept smaller. i fell a lot. and finally darth james. ok so once upon a time like 3 yearz ago james jamin and i made our own spoof of starwars for a grad gift. james was darth maul as we can all clearly see. well james and jamin were makin james look all scary and what not one day and decided to show me. yeah they decided to walk into my dark room with james like that while i was sleepin. u can imagine what happened. i opened my eyez spazzed out screamed and rolled over smack dab into the wall. they found it to be hilarious.
ok, this weekend was the circuit assembly which was soooo awesome! seriously!. putting on the new person is something every1 has to do and continually do and work at no matter how long u've been in the truth. saw lotz of friendz, made some new onez, thingz were swell. after th 1st day off the assembly i went out to western wi for a card party some buddyz of mine were throwin. granted they live rite by minnesota and i had to drive quite a way and when i got there i only knew my two buddyz but it was fun. i dunno this mite just be me but most ppl seem to think itz weird to drive or go someplace far away by urself. and then to have to meet all these new ppl alone is weird. and then to stay at someonez house u just met, alone is weird too. i dunno i was totally fine with it and had a blast, but thatz just me. i think i'm discoverin that i'm kinda loveable at timez....to those who don't hate me that is. newayz we played cardz and i was at my friendz house but he so kindly left and i was alone with his parentz....again most ppl would find this akward, it was no problem tho, they were super nice! newyaz i went to bed in a very brightly colored childrenz play room, surrounded by dollz....kinda creepy but still good. my only problem was in the mornin when i could not get the shower to work for the life of me! i sat there for 15 minutez like "come on u stupid thing!! am i really so dumb i can get a shower to work??" the answer of course was yes. i just wasn't turnin the handle hard enough...a bit embarrasin i have to admit after i finally broke down found my friendz mom and asked her if there was a secret or something to turnin the water on. wow i'm dumb. newayz they drive to the assem on sunday was so gorgeous! i had no idea becuz drivin there the nite b4 it was dark and really foggy. the second day of the assembly was awesome as well. i'm gonna try to apply everything i learned to the best i can, tho i admit itz gonna be a challenge in some areaz. well i've droned on and on about nothin all that excited long enough. i'm outta here. "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end" wutz that? itz pretty mainstream actually.

.....so this is what happenz when i'm bored

2005-12-21T18:48:00.000-08:00

hey hey. soooooo i finally have sold out and got a blog. fantastic. newayz i have far too much to say. so rather then go on and on about matterz pointless and meaningless to otherz i shall post some OLD ammusing picturez i have stummbled on. oh and great newz. I FOUND MY MUSIC!!!! like thousandz of songz that i thought were lost forever...yeah so not!! itz great i'm in all my glory rite now.....well not really but all that music is definatly a pick me up. "the sunrise is just over the hills, the worst is over." name that quote....itz obviously from a song.